Will I Ever Matter To You?//Ianthony

Chapter 2: Questions

IAN'S P.O.V.

Then, someone knocked on the door. I quickly ran over to the note and hid it under my bed and then hid my garbage can with all the other ones. "Come in," I say. A messy-haired Anthony walks into my room. He has dark circles under his eyes and he's in sweatpants and a smosh t-shirt. Even though Anthony looks tired, he still looks attractive. Maybe its just from my point of view but whatever. "Hey man," He says groggily. "Hey, what's up?" I ask. "I can't sleep and I saw you were still up so...you know," Anthony answers. "Why can't you sleep?" I ask. "Too busy thinking about this whole thing," He replies. I give him a questioning look. "You know...moving and getting married and stuff...its just a lot to take in you know?" I look down "I guess so," I say. Well, I don't really know what Anthony's going through. I was never really 'in love' with Melanie. Sure, she's pretty, smart and overall a great girl but...I'm gay. I used her as a cover up and I couldn't live with myself. I mean, using a girl as a coverup? Melanie deserved someone who was actually in love with her and would do anything for her. I explained that all to her and luckily, we're still friends. We haven't talked much but I guess that's understandable. It is a bit awkward finding out your boyfriend for over 5 years is actually gay and using you as a cover up. My thoughts are inturrupted by Anthony. "Ian? Can I ask you something?" Anthony, all of a sudden asks. "Sure....what's up?" I ask, faking a smile. I've gotten pretty good at faking smiles. Considering I do it basically every day. "Let's say......if you were really excited for something but then at the last minute you change your mind? Would you still go to whatever it was or would you back out?" Anthony questions me. I don't know how to react to that.

ANTHONY'S P.O.V.

"It...depends....I guess.....why would you want to back out?" Ian asks me. "I....I don't know,"  I respond. "Why are you acting weird?" Ian asks me with concern. "I-I...." I think of an excuse "Probably just tired, goodnight dude," With that being said (quickly I may add), I left the room. I quickly ran into my room and quietly shut the door behind me. I slid down the door and sighed (quietly so Ian couldn't hear). Why do I feel so weird all of a sudden....? I was excited.....to get married....move out...but.... now, I'm not excited. It almost feels like there's something holding me back. What the hell could it possibly be? I mean well there's nothing holding me back. Right? I'm probably just a bit scared. Besides I'll live with Buki (who is one of my favorite cats) and Kalel's a beautiful, cute, bitchy, bossy girl.......wait. Did I just think those things about her? Am I....falling out of love? No...I love her...but do I? I'm so confused. Maybe I should just try sleeping again. I flop onto my bed and try my best to fall asleep once again.

IAN'S P.O.V.

Whats with Anthony? He's probably just excited about finally being able to move out and live with Kalel. Trust me. If I were him, I would want to move away from me too. I look in my mirror. Disgusting. Why would Anthony ever love someone as hideous as me? I yawn and look over at the time. 3:00 a.m. I should probably get some sleep. We have our Friday video to shoot tomorrow after all. I lay down on my bed and fall asleep almost instantly.