Will I Ever Matter To You?//Ianthony

Chapter 17: Finding Notes

ANTHONY'S P.O.V.

Where....where is Ian? He was on the couch a few minutes ago....Now he's just...gone. Ian wouldn't take my car, would he? I think I'm finally starting to sober up, considering that I had a bit too much to drink. Focus Anthony... But in all seriousness, where the hell is Ian? We've all looked for him all over. Maybe I should look at that note that I took from behind Ian's bed...No! Yes? Maybe? I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna read the note. It reads:

(A/N You can skip the note if you really want to. It's the same note from the first chapter)

Dear Anthony,

So...I wrote this note to you because...I can't face you when I say this. I'm just gonna come straight out with it. It's also the reason why I broke up with Melanie. I love you and...seeing you with Kalel kills me. It's hard to explain. Remember when I told you I've always wanted to go to Japan? Then you took Kalel there...and that wasn't the worst part...you proposed. Sure....I've tried my best to be happy for you but I just can't. You can't see her the way I do. Or anyone else does. I guess you're just too in love. But...I know things you don't Anthony. You would be surprised. Kalel...cheats on you. I've seen it happen before. This is going to sound crazy but, once she tried to kiss me. When I rejected her, she was mad and she still is. Kalel's offended. I rejected her because I couldn't do that to you. I've tried writing this note many times, but every single time was a failure. This one will probably end up in the trash as well. I guess this is my goodbye note to you Anthony. Since, Kalel wants you to move away with her and get married. I know you don't believe me, or like me... (which I understand...who would?) but....I want you to know I care about you. I'll always be there for you if you need me. But for now this is goodbye. Take care of yourself okay?

-Ian

I re-read it to make sure that I read it correctly. A smile creeps up my face. Ian Hecox....loves me back. That's why this note was so important to him and he didn't want me getting my hands on it! I start grinning. That settles it. I need to find him. Right here. Right now. I need to tell him that I love him back. How I love everything about him. Especially his eyes. I know that many people have said this before but...his eyes are like the sea and I want to swim in them. My thoughts are inturrupted by a man (around my age) walking up to me, holding a small white note. "That girl over there," He points to Mari "Says that you're Anthony Padilla, is that right?" He asks. "Umm yeah. What's up?" I ask. "Here," He hands me the small white note. "What's this?" I ask. "Read it for yourself," He answers before walking away. That was...strange. I open the note. It's from Ian. It says:

Dear whoever is reading this,

Please give this note to Anthony Padilla. Do not read the rest of this note unless you are him.

Dear Anthony,

Anthony...I have a few things to say to you. First of all, I need to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for gargling while brushing my teeth (I know you hate it). I'm sorry for messing up that school project we had in 6th grade. I'm sorry that I never can say what's on my mind. I'm sorry that I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry that I'm disgusting. I'm sorry for putting a delay on smosh because of my passing out. I'm sorry that I didn't do anything important. I'm sorry that I can't say this all in person without crying. I'm sorry that I'm such a pussy. And last of all, I'm sorry that you got stuck with me.

Does....Ian really hate himself that much? I'm on the verge of tears. Ian...he's so goddamn perfect! Everyone can see it except for him! What does he mean by "got stuck with me"...I stayed because I love him. Okay, that settles it, I need to find Ian as soon as I'm done reading this letter. Ian...why do you hate yourself so much? I continue reading:

The next thing I wanted to tell you...is well....First, I should say that I've been trying to tell you something for a long time and....I didn't know exactly how to say it. But now I do. I love how everyday you put up with me. I love how you smile all the time. I love your smile that can light up a room. I love how you don't give a fuck about hate comments. I love how you stayed with me until I reached my end. Overall, I just love you. Your hair, your eyes, your childishness, your attractiveness, your body, your humour...everything. I know you'll never feel the same way. Everyday I would always ask "Will I ever matter to you, Anthony?" And I knew- screw that...And I know that your answer would be "No." That's what killed me each day. So by this time, I'm probably dead already. I probably already jumped off that bridge. So, goodbye Anthony. Thank you for everything. Have a good life. Okay?

Ian

My tears are falling onto the page, dampening it. I basically run out the door to my car. "I-ian can't really be dead....Right?" I whisper to myself, starting the car. Tears are streaming down my face. "Please, please, please, please," I keep whispering to myself. Ian, I love you.....please don't jump. Please don't do this to yourself. You don't deserve it.

(A/N) NEXT CHAPTER IS GONNA BE EVEN LONGER! *gasp from everyone on the internet* I KNOW RIGHT