Will I Ever Matter To You?//Ianthony

Chapter 12: Worse and Worse

ANTHONY'S P.O.V.

The thought, of never being able to tell him I love him...it's too much for me. But, Ian's alive right now. That is what I should focus on. Maybe I should go into Ian's room to calm myself. I get off of my bed and walk into Ian's room that is right next to mine. I lay down on his bed. It smells like him. You know, when you can't describe the smell but you know that it belongs to that one certain person. Maybe that's just me...who cares. It's comforting. "Ian...."

-Flashback-

"So I guess we're forced to work on this project together huh," I say, as nervous as hell. I'm extremely shy and I can tell that this 'Ian' kid is too. "Y-yeah," Ian replies, looking at the ground. I step aside so Ian can walk into my house. "You have a nice place," Ian says, hesitantly, walking into my house. "Thanks," I answer, shutting the door behind him. I lead him to my room, before my mom can freak out about me having a friend over. I shut the door behind us and fling my backpack onto my bed. Ian immediately directs his attention to my pile of video games. "You like Halo too?" Ian asks. "Yup," I answer, extremely happy that we have something in common. After that, we both kind of broke out of our shells and started joking with eachother. We continued to do this until we realized that we should probably get some work done on our school project.

-Flashback Over-

What I would give to have those days back...Ian and I....happy. "Happiness can only be found when you are ignorant," My dad's words echo in my head. I never thought anything of it until now. I use to think that wasn't true but...look where I am now. I have a dying best friend who I happen to love that I'm not even sure is gay. That thought hadn't even crossed my mind. Ian's not gay. He had a girlfriend. I would like to believe that it was a coverup but...I don't want to raise my hopes to only see them be crushed. Wait...now that I think about it...does all of this make me gay? No...I still like women. Bisexual? That makes more sense. I'm bisexual, I guess. But to be honest, who wouldn't be gay for Ian? C'mon. If you said no then you are a liar. To think, Ian might d-NO. Stop thinking about that Anthony. My thoughts are inturrupted by my phone ringing.

DAVID'S P.O.V.

Please pick up..."Hello?" Anthony's voice rings. "Hey Anthony," I reply. Okay, even though I don't like Anthony that much....I need to know. "What's up?" He asks. "I have a question..." "What is it?" Anthony asks. "I've been trying to get a hold of Ian to tell him something...but...he isn't answering." Sure, you might be thinking that I am overreacting....but Ian always answers phonecalls. No matter what. Then, at that question, Anthony's voice got cold "What do you need to tell him?" He asks. Do I tell Anthony? I mean...I already told the rest of the Smosh Games crew. Why not? What could happen? Wait...first I need to know what happened to Ian."I'll tell you if you tell me what happened to Ian," I say. "He's...in the hospital," Anthony says, coldly, as if he doesn't want to talk about it. My heart dropped at the answer he gave me. "W-what?" "You heard me." "Why is he there?" I ask. "I'll answer that if you tell me what you need to tell him." Why does he seem so emotionless about it? Does he even fucking care that Ian is in there?!? Anger boils inside of me. Oh crap...I just realized, he's using my own game against me... Fine, I'll tell him the truth."I need to tell him that I love him," I reply, truthfully. "Now-" I stop talking when I realized no one was listening. The line had dropped dead at that one sentence.

ANTHONY'S P.O.V.

Great. Just fucking great. Now, Ian's dying in a hospital and I have competition! Everything's just so fucking swell! My phone rings again. It's David. There is no way in hell that I am answering that. I press decline and throw my phone onto the pillow next to me. Goddammit. I flip my body onto the other side, so my face is on the pillow. "FUCK!" I scream loudly into the pillow. My anger is quickly replaced with sorrow. My eyes fill with tears once again. The tears sink into the pillow. "I promised myself I wasn't going to cry again..." I mumbled. "Promise broken I guess." Please, just let this all be a nightmare. I want to be able to go back in time. I would make Ian eat...I would make sure he was okay. I would stay by his side until the end. But guess what? The universe just decided to go "Fuck you!" I sigh. "Ian...you are going to get out of this alive right? Of course you are...what am I thinking?" I sniffle. "I'm talking to a damn pillow..." I turn my head. Wait...what's that? A sheet of paper? It says Dear Anthony....it is for me! I pick it up. My phone buzzes. What now? Right then, when things couldn't get any worse, I get a text from the one and only....Kalel. It reads: "Babe, I've been thinking. I didn't know what I was doing and I think we should get back together? I miss you bby. xoxo" Really? Out of all the times she could've picked, she picks now? Ugh. I text her back: "Listen. If you really loved me then you wouldn't have cheated. End of story. Never speak to me again." Maybe I was a bit harsh on her....Whatever. I'm pissed and emotional at the same time. That's never good. Anyways, back to this note thing....I wonder what it is?