Cold Tears|Calum Hood

Chapter 18

"8 dollars in total, Sir." I grabbed my wallet from my pocket and handed the amount she needed. She handed me the product I bought and I stormed out the shop with a huge smile.

My hands are trembling as I play with the teddy bear I bought. I want to give Tina this teddy bear, hoping that she can somehow forgive me for being such a jerk. Almost a month has already passed and things are still the same. Three weeks to be exact. Three weeks of nothing but sadness. Three weeks of hoping that she can forgive me. Three weeks of thinking and smiling at the fact that she still loves me. Three weeks of regretting for acting like a dick. Three weeks of saying fuck you Cal because there she is, trying to bring back what we had before and all I did was to shut her out. Three weeks.

I have a big trust on myself. She loves me right? And I do love her. That means a little challenge won't change our feelings towards each other. Soon, we would be back to normal, a happy couple.

Literature. A class where I can have the opportunity to talk to her. A class where I only have one chance rigid everything up. It's like walking on a tightrope. Every action can affect everything. Besides, I realized that I must swallow my pride sometimes, especially this time. Despite the fact that the odds are always against us, I'm still hoping that everything would end up like a fairytale. That won't happen if I won't make a move. So this is it, my first move.

I made my way to the class, trying to get there as early as I can. I came, with fifteen more minutes left before the class would start. I try to practice the lines of the speech I'm planning to execute.

Uhhh. Hi? It's been almost a month now.

You know how much I love you and I hope we can fix this...

Nope Calum. Too direct.

Hi Tina! I just wanna give you this. Well, you know, the past three weeks was not good for me. I mean, I really miss you.

Not again Calum. Crappy speech.

Hi Tina. Sorry for acting like a jerk. I mean, I really am wrong. I should've not treated you like that. Believe me, all I feel is guilt because I hurt you. I shouldn't have judged you. I should've believed you. Sorry because I didn't save you from Zach, but I didn't know. Accept this, as a gift of apology. I hope we can continue what we started before, cause I badly miss you. And more than that, everyday seems to be harder and harder without you, but I love you deeper and deeper as the days go by. I love you, Tina.

I sighed. How I wish I can really say those words, but I'm afraid that I can't. I haven't earned enough courage to tell her these words, to tell her how sorry I am for what I did, to tell her how much I miss her, to tell her how much I want us to be fine again, to tell her how much I love her, to tell her how being without her tears every fiber of my being.

Being without her is way harder than I thought. It's not as easy as I think, because as time goes by, it gets harder. The feeling in my chest gets heavier, making me to breathe harder. Everything reminds me of her, from the littlest things to unforgettable memories. She completes me, and being here without her, is like eating without getting full, is like being hungry without having enough energy to eat. It gets harder and harder.

I was dozed off my thoughts when I heard the bell, indicating the period has ended. I looked to my right, and saw that no one was sorted beside me. She didn't show up. Tina didn't show up. A sudden thud struck my heart. I clenched my fists in such frustration. Why?

Sometimes, things won't really agree with your will, they happen the other way around.

She did not attend the class. She really loves this subject, she really does. And I know, there's something wrong.

I headed to the lockers, to check if she's there. I held the paper bag containing the teddy bear I bought in the tightest way that I could. My breathing gets heavy, I'm worried, there's really something wrong.

She's not here. I ran to the field, gasping for air. There's no sign of her here. I looked to the right, seeing the entrance of the cafeteria.

But she's not here also.

I got more worried. What if Zach try to rape her again? What if other jocks try to do so? I'm getting scared. Many things could happen. You can call this over reacting, but if you were in my situation, you will also act like this.

I don't know why my feet led me here, at the parking lot. Maybe I found a chance that I could see her here, but I have completely no idea why here. I really need to see Tina. I really need to tell her all that I'm feeling. I need to fix things up.

A red car came and parked on the empty spot between the school utility service and a black pick up car. As the doors came open, I saw a woman in a black dress, walking from the building with the perfect brown curls on her hair. There is happiness evident on her face, her lips are curved up. It's Tina.

The door of the said car finally opened, a leg stepped out, with black skinny jeans and a black shoe. Soon after, there stood an extremely tall guy. He is intimidating. I am tall enough, but he's taller than me. He has chocolate curly hair, while mine is an ugly black bird nest. I saw him handing Tina a bouquet of flowers.

All I did was let the paper bag in my hand fall on the ground as Tina hugged him. Happiness is all what I can see in her face, and all I feel was pain. In any moment, my heart would stop functioning. I just hope that it will happen now, because I can't take enough courage to look anymore. I try to hide back the single drop that's about to fall, but it's late.

I'm always too late.

They walked away, and my eyes just followed them. I am hurt, but that doesn't matter. I watched as the guy put his arm on Tina's shoulder, and my knees turned to jelly as I let my self fall on the ground, kneeling.

It's really painful for me, but I guess I just have to accept the fact that she's already happy, in someone's arms.