When We Were Young » Thomas Shelby

chapter 19

Anger

Scarlett didn't really notice the ceremony, the words the priest spoke or the people around her. She hadn't even realized it had started to rain until Thomas appeared next to her, holding an umbrella over her head. Looking up at him, she saw the many questions floating in his eyes. But she ignored it and instead took a step closer towards him, allowing his body to shield her away from the evil outside world. His body protected her and warmed her which made her smile up at him in appreciation. Only then did Scarlett look around towards the people that had gathered for her mother's funeral. There was Harry, the Shelby family including Finn and John's fresh wife Esme and John's kids, some people she recognized from the market place. She even spotted Grace standing next to Harry. When their eyes met, Grace nodded towards her in respect.

When Scarlett looked back towards the coffin, which was now being lowered into the ground, she felt how the denial left her body. There was no doubt in her mind her mother was dead now. She had seen her mother's stiff, pale body only days before when she woke up only to realize she was dead. Thick tears blurred her vision, the cool outside air no longer felt cool anymore - it became thick and pressed down upon her shoulders making her knees want to buckle under the pressure. She couldn't breathe; a dark, hallow hole gnawing on the place where her heart had once been. She felt the pressure of everyone around her. They were looking at her, waiting for her to crumble. Only now did she realize how much she hated all those people telling her how sorry they were for her. She didn't want their pity. She hated them. She just wanted her mom. But that wasn't going to happen. Her mom wasn't going to appear at her side, put a hand on her back and tell her that everything was okay - because it wasn't. Her mother was gone, ripped away from a live she loved. Her father had been taken away from her years before and she had never had the opportunity to say goodbye to him. Now, she was standing here with the only family she had left being her asshole of a brother who came running back only because he heard their mother was dying. He didn't come back for her and he didn't come back by himself because he was sorry. And she hated it, she hated him. She hated her life right now because, all of this, she didn't deserve it. She deserved a family that loved her, a family that was complete. Instead all she had was some people who said they cared about her but then suddenly she was doubting everything and everyone. They never looked for her after they moved, they never thought she was import enough to be looking for. Suddenly, she hated them too.