Shine Seoul City Lights~ A BTS Encounter

I Would Never

**Warning: may contain triggering content

Author's note:  Hello!  I've been on vacation and just found some spare time to write.  Enjoy!

A blinding brightness pressed onto my eyelids, breaking through the last tendrils of unconsciousness. I opened my eyes. Someone had taken my shoes off and covered me with a blanket. Where was I? There was a window right next to me, shining bright light onto my face. My head was heavy as I turned it to the side. I was on a couch. The skin on my face felt tight, the way it felt after I washed it and didn't dry the water off. My eyes felt puffy, and I blinked them, trying to clear away the clouding sleepiness.

I sat up, propping myself up on an elbow and looked around. The scene that greeted me was a bit of a surprise. A group of twelve boys were sprawled about the floor, all asleep. A strange assortment of pillows, blankets and bathrobes were scattered amongst them. Why were we all here? Jin oppa was asleep on the floor right next to the couch with a wad of tissues clutched in his hand. Where was my phone?

I stood and made my way silently across the room, stepping in between the sleeping forms and then opening the door. I glanced down the hallway. We were back at Big Hit studios. Ohh, that's right. We'd had the last concert yesterday. Strange... I couldn't remember much of it. I smacked myself in the head, frowning. Why are you so dumb today? I scolded myself. Why had everyone been sleeping in the same room? Had we decided on a slumber party or something?

I shook my head and then headed down the hallway to wash my face in the bathroom. Maybe I'd wake up more once I washed up a bit. When I caught sight of myself in the mirror, I stared. What the heck? Some of my makeup had been washed off, but most of it still remained. Had I forgotten to use wipes after the concert yesterday? Why couldn't I remember anything? I waited until the running water was cold and then cupped it in my hands. The stifling fog floating around in my brain cleared as I washed the makeup off my face. Why the heck was I still in my performance clothes?!

I tried thinking back to the events of last night. Memories started floating back to me in bits and pieces. I'd cried a lot... why? I remembered everyone crowding around me in a hug blur of faces and voices. No one had been teasing me though. And then I remembered the phone call. Running out in the street.

My hands began to shake. Had it been a dream? I thought harder. Everything had a sort of dreamlike quality to it. Maybe it had all been a huge, vivid nightmare. But did that explain how everyone ended up sleeping in the same room? Did it explain how I was still fully dressed and had makeup on? I clenched my fists, digging my fingernails into my nearly-healed palms. My aunt had called... from Vietnam. And my family... The last of the memories from yesterday clicked into place; my announcement to the audience and my mental breakdown. My fainting after trying to call my parents.

I slammed my fists into the sink in a sudden burst of anger. I gritted my teeth and stared at my freshly washed face in the mirror, cursing myself. I should have been at home. What the hell was I doing all the way across the world? I should have stopped them from driving. What were they doing out so late anyway? I should have known... I could have stopped them.

I looked down at my hands and realized that I'd made my palms bleed again, but I didn't move to wash the blood off. I watched it ooze out and dry on my skin. I imagined that blood red color on my sister. No, that didn't match. My sister would never wear red again under my watch. I turned on the water again and just watched it run down the drain. Then I cupped my hands and let it carry the blood away. It was like the water was my family, and I was trying to keep them from slipping away.

A tear slid down my face, and I felt my features twist. My throat contracted and the corners of my mouth turned down. Liz... My beautiful, angelic, pure sister. Liz... I said her name over and over in my brain. I would never see her again. Ever. I closed my eyes and imagined her hazel eyes that no one else in the family had. Her hair that was so pretty in the sunlight, a deep golden brown. I thought of her pale skin that got sunburned so easily. The way she made faces at me, and how hilarious her double chins were. She'd been so happy when she finally became taller than me. I took a deep breath in through my nose. Her scent was almost there. It was as though it were flitting just outside of my reach, teasing me and getting farther away as I got closer. I could almost smell her. In fact, she was right beside me, wasn't she? I could feel her presence, just to my left. In a moment, she would snake her arms around my neck and give me a friend nuggie.