Harley Quinn & The Joker One-Shots - Book 1

The Queen & King

—
Harley & J face each other
in a racing competition.
—

Harley gazed at him with her crystal blue eyes, scoping his confused look as she leaned in closer. Her lips were lathered in a bright vibrant red lipstick and her pale complexion was within a large graphic tee reading Bitchin', as with it she wore tight and peppy, vivid red shorts.

He ignored her state for quite some time, just pressing the remote and forcing his eyes to look straight into the horrifically boring TV. Harley was being a tease, as always, sucking on her big ass lollipop while crawling upon her Mistah J's lap.

"Puddin', why ain't you paying attention to me?" She pouted her lip, forcing her expression obviously as he took a moment to glance at her starry orbs. When making eye contact, she smiled, giggling through her pearly whites.

"Kiddo... I have work to do." He gently responded, though a hint of annoyance roamed in his eyes. He pressed his middle finger and his thumb together, quickly flicking her away on her nose.

She rapidly pushed back, feeling a small but pinching pain on the tip of her nose, inspecting the peripheral view of her slowly-growing-bubblegum-pink nose, now feeling a warm ooze drip down her nose. She momentarily wiped it away, finding a satisfied look in his face. Serves her right.

"Gee, Mistah J. No need for the drama! I have somethin' that'll cheer ya frown up."

He darted his eyes for her, she was probably about to pull down her underwear within seconds, or wrap a velvet red mask around his head.

But she simply didn't do that, and only gleamed at him softly, a giggle stirring in her raspy voice.

"Mistah J... I'll only give ya the surprise if you close yer' eyes!" She giggled, throwing herself on top of his lap and catching him by surprise. His sharp neon green hair pulled back against her fingers running through it, making him more relaxed, despite his initial frustration caused by her.

He rolled his eyes in response to her kiddy response, letting his hand tap and graze his way down her white creamy-colored back. He swept his thumb across her philtrum, rubbing off any access dried specks of blood.

"Why do I always have to close my ey—"
"Oh quit bein' such a pill, Mistah J! I've already have enough of those..." She warmly giggled, pressing her fingers on his eyelids and making sure they remained closed. She pulled out a box from under the couch, hearing him huff whilst awaiting her surprise.

A few sounds of boxes and remotes falling were heard, but nonetheless, eventually she was ready for him to open his eyes.

"Okay Puddin'... ready?"
She stirred in delight and playfulness, excited to show him.

He groaned, gripping tighter onto her waist and trickling his fingers against her hips.
"Show me baby."

She lifted her small hand off his face, holding a large vibrant colored box in her other arm. Designed with radiant and polychromatic patterns, she held it eagerly waiting for his response.
Super Mario Kart?
What the fuck.

"Harley, what the hell? What an utter anticlimax." He scoffed, throwing his head back, and bursting into a bothersome cackle. She giggled in response, knowing damn well she could get him to play.

"C'mon J! I'll kick yer' ass. It'll be fun!" She giggled beautifully, her curls falling in front of her deep black eyelashes. He could barely resist her even if she were to offer him a piece of shit to eat. Which she mostly did, anyways. Harley was a disgraceful cook, hence why she always brought him left over microwave meals that she quickly threw in her bag in the asylum.