As i examine the people that come into my life, i wonder to myself how one individual can have so much rage inside of themselves.. How can someone have the audacity to destroy the life of another for fulfillment of their own pleasures..I feel sorrow just thinking of it, but then again i was once like that. Which is why i wish the best for all the enemies i have in my life. I hope the epiphany they need to have their anger and resentment restored hits them in a manner that petrifies them to a better view.. I wish i could help mend the anger they have stored in their hearts, but I've learned that there is just some people i can't help. That girl, man.. she was someone i looked up to before she let her envies and anger get in the way of our sisterhood. It makes me feel as if its my fault that she despises me in so many ways, and in all honesty i'm scared. I'm scared to think that one day she'll actually just pull the trigger and destroy my life since she doesn't have the strength to just terminate it. Its insanity, the fact that i still wish the best for her.. I get put down a lot for this kinda stuff, and sometimes i just cant help to think that im just weak. Weak for wishing the best for someone that just wishes sorrow and misery for me. Guess that's just another aspect of myself that makes me feel insecure.
For almost everyone i know, I'm seen as this girl full of purity, lovingness, happiness, etc.. But it kills me to just face the truth inside myself and find the complete opposite.. I've done things that no one would ever think i would do, and i guess that's why i wish the best path possible for the wonderful enemies put in my life. Its just i can't help these feelings of avoidance.. Yes I have happiness in my life right now, a type of happiness that i've never felt before, and that's all thanks to a special someone.. but for some reason i still feel sorrow and sadness and its so bothersome that i don't have the guts to tell anyone.. I give people the right words or advice when they need it but somehow i never really have advice for myself.. Dont get me wrong, i love giving people advice and seeing them learn something out of it, but i just wish i had someone like that for me. Someone that's willing to comfort me when my heart is shattered, or when i cry for absolutely no reason... for now i guess you can consider me a victim of kindness.. Wow.. this is why i dont write.. brings out the truth in me i guess.
