Its hilarious.
Its hilarious the fact that i have zero feels for this anymore, yet i was still trying.
What the hell is wrong with me..
Its like i enjoy the hurting.. Like i want you to keep me held captive in your devilish acts...
Maybe i do.. Maybe i like the feeling of not caring for my own well being. Or maybe i'm too nice. Maybe i just don't know what i want, but I've come to realize, i want nothing with this anymore. I don't want someone that is just gonna move on instantly after me. I don't want someone that is gonna make me a second choice, time after time again. I don't want someone that couldn't care less about how i feel..
It only leads me towards a path of destruction and anger. Something that for years i had to fix in myself.
Do you care about me? Hell, i don't know... Its kinda hard to tell.. I tell you about all of the things i'm going through, all of the crap life throws at me, yet you still have the heart that destroys my own again and again..
I'm tired of this happening... I'm tired of you making me look like a fool in the eyes of the people i care for. In front of people that actually care for me in return...
We've made memories together. Memories that will replay in the darkest parts of my being over and over again..
but..
Those memories, will stay in my past, because.. Doing any of this again.. will not happen... Again will not be. Again will not consume my thoughts. I will no longer be in love with you again.. An again with you, my beloved, will never happen as long as i walk this earth. You might have an again with someone else, and that hurts me to think about, but i cant let myself keep feeling worthless. I tried so hard to help you, but i think as i was helping you, i was only destroying myself.. You don't deserve that from me. You don't deserve that from anyone, but we all have our ways in life.
Truly. Even after this hurting you've caused me, i still care. I still wish the best for you, and i hope. I HOPE... You find that epiphany that will make life beautiful for you.
As of for me..
This love. This catastrophe.. has helped me become stronger and just come to realize that.. I will find someone that loves me, someone that wont make me feel insecure about myself, someone who will not make me a second choice...
I am going to find someone that will never make me wonder, if an again.. is worth fighting for...
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