You.
You, are part of the reason i'm the person i am today.
The reason i try so hard to be happy, so hard.. to just smile.
A smile is my medicine to the disastrous heart you left me.
So i guess i should thank you, but then again i'm "prideful" so i'm not going to do that for you.
J o n a t h a n.
If i were to be 100 percent real with you dude.. I still care for you. I care so much its exasperating, and i cant help but to tear up every single time i think of you. I miss you as the boy that id go to daily, the guy that would just be there for me..
Our past.. is so complicated and overwhelming to even think about..you're correct when you say id forgive you, but you're also correct when you say ill never forget. You ask why i don't forget? Why i'm "prideful"
I guess i never really made that clear to you..
Beloved... I never thought you'd ever do what you did. I never thought the boy i grew to love.... would ever do anything to hurt me.. I always thought of you as my protector.. my, loyal, honest, faithful, loving boy.. and you were.. but i guess lust took you over.. when i found out, I was so devastated... It was as if you made me walk in front of you, made me believe i was the leader of your heart, but it was too late to realize you were only walking behind me with a knife in your hand. All of the years we spent together went down the drain, and i'm scared to go back to you. I feel as if now you're only in love with the girl you fictioned in your head, and now it seems as if the boy i thought you were was MY fantasy of you..
You consider me your fantasy, when all i see us as.. is a travesty.. A travesty that might never be the fantasy we created in our imagination. When we began our journey together we were only in kindergarten. We were children full of nothing but purity, and now, were children filled with confusion, lust, desire.. Desire to love, but only to be loved in returned.
So really, I ask.. Just think, and wonder.. Will we be fixed? Will she ever see me the same?? Because as of right now.. I don't think i ever will.. Think.. and be serious.. are we really a fantasy come true? Or are we a travesty coming to life..?
