WHEN THEY CRY.

☤eleven

as jimin was brought back to his cell, he could see a female nurse in a light blue scrubs uniform holding a towel and a folded fresh pair of the exact same hospital provided outfit he was currently wearing standing beside his bed. she greeted him with a smile, leading the blond into the bathroom where she placed the items on a small rack.

"would you like me to wait in here as you shower or in your room?"

"my room, please." he requested, not wanting her in there with him while he washed himself.

she nodded her head, going out of the small shower room. "alright. if you need anything you can call out to me. i'll give you your privacy, but if you're still in there after twenty minutes i'll knock to let you know it's time to get out. i put a plastic bag on your clothing so please put that on your cast once you've finished undressing."

with that, the black haired woman closed the door behind her as she left to wait inside of jimin's room for him to finish. though it was her job to look after him while he cleaned himself, it didn't mean she had to be in there. it just meant she had to listen in case he fell or ran out of shampoo or something.

the tiny janitor closet sized shower room connected to jimin's was slightly hidden. the color of it matched the bland white color of his room's walls and the door was one you had to slide, so it was easy for him to overlook it previously, especially since he never exactly had cared enough to fully examine everything in the small area they had given him. it also had nothing in it that could possibly harm patients, so there was no worry about leaving them alone unless they had intentions of slamming their heads against the hard tiles.

everything in here was bolted to the ground or walls except for the tiny travel sized shampoos, conditioners and soap, most likely being so small so it wouldn't bring too much harm if someone were to drink the liquid contained inside of them.

jimin's eyes admired the room a little bit more. on the same wall of the shower was a toilet with a note above it that said it could only be flushed once every hour. there was a small sink next to the rack the nurse had placed his clothes and towel on as well.

what really got his attention however, was a large mirror.

it had clear bolts into the wall, the material next to them looking a bit bended. it wasn't made of glass; that was obvious. it had to be stainless steal or something else that patients couldn't break no matter how hard they tried.

jimin stared at his reflection, his soft brown eyes looked broken and sleep deprived. his fluffy blonde hair was sticking to some parts of his face thanks to his dried tears and his lips were visibly swollen. he didn't know whether it was from the kisses jungkook had given him before he left, or if it was from the excessive amount of sobbing they had done for hours on end.

jimin's small hands fumbled with the buttons on his soft hospital shirt, slowly discarding the material. he put the bag securely on over his cast before turning back to look at himself. the boy looked with sad eyes as angry red lines stared back at him, a light mostly died crimson was smeared over the large letters. his entire chest and upper abdomen area was ruined.

and to think, he thought the hickeys he'd attained before from the brunette man in the past were revolting.

jimin couldn't help himself but to bring his hand towards the marks, tracing over the letters despite how painful it was to touch them. this was going to apart of his body for the rest of his life. soon enough the cuts would lift on his skin to white scars and be a constant reminder that jeon jungkook was no bad nightmare he could ever wake up from. for as long as he lived he'd have jungkook's initials engraved on him like a proud painter's signature on top of his artwork. for as long as he existed, jungkook did as well.

"jimin, is everything alright in there? i don't hear the water."

the teenager broke the eye contact he was holding on himself, turning towards the closed door.

"sorry i was just trying to figure out how to start it." he yelled back, hoping she wouldn't come in to show him herself. if she saw the recent markings on his body he'd surely be in trouble.

when jimin saw the door start to slide open, he quickly held it shut.

"jimin?" the nurse questioned, not understanding why he was keeping her out.

"sorry i'm uh-just, uh, really self conscious."

"oh, okay, i understand! there's only one knob in there to turn it on.
unfortunately we can't allow you to choose the temperature so it's already pre-set."

a sigh left jimin's lips, knowing it was going to sting as soon as he started the water. he almost considered backing out, but it had been days since his last shower. he had only taken two now since his stay and both were thanks to seokjin since he couldn't return to his room for a bit when his wrist was first hurt and he needed to clean himself.

"alright, thank you." he spoke back, waiting until he heard her footsteps walk away from the door before pulling off his pants and briefs.

he looked towards the shower with a frown, turning the knob to turn it on. immediately warm water flowed out from the shower head. jimin had to cover his mouth with his hand and bite down harshly to prevent screaming as it slid down his destroyed chest. the water hit against his cuts and bruises, turning a washed out red before collecting on the ground next to the draining hole.

despite how excruciatingly painful this all felt, he kept standing underneath the water allowing himself to be cleaned of the dirtiness he always felt after every time jungkook came to defile him. he knew there wasn't a way to clean off the disgust though. it had happened so much and so frequently that it was no longer just skin deep. he could feel it in his veins.

the impureness jungkook brought onto him with just a simple touch coursed through his body endlessly for days afterwards. even when the feeling did finally leave, jungkook would just come back and made it return again. there was no way to become sterile anymore, he was already far too tainted for that.

so jimin let himself get soaked underneath the water burning into his cuts, most likely making them bleed more. it didn't matter if it hurt him. all that matters was that he was trying to temporarily wash away all of the fingerprints and soft caresses jungkook had given him earlier. he just wanted to feel clean of the man for just a little bit even if it meant scrubbing his skin until it was bright red and letting the water dig into his wounds.

he would do anything and take any pain to be able to pretend for just a little while that he was actually able to wash away the feelings of the man's touch from his body, even though he knew he couldn't.