Idyllic Days (Esme - Carlisle Fanfiction)

Chapter 9 -What's Wrong With Carlisle? First Stop: London-

The night I was alone in our room. Jasper and Emmett were downstairs watching TV and I could hear Rosalie and Alice talking about the trip in the dining room, which was back to normal. The only yet most important person was missing. I sighed. Normally I was used to his absence because of his work, but he was home and still wasn’t with me. He must be angry with me for my breakdown or disappointed. Although he looked so happy when I woke up, I wanted to know the truth, but I felt like I wouldn’t have the strength to face his anger and disappointment, so I decided to stay in our room. Around the morning time I decided to go to the girls. They were now putting together outfits for the trip and as soon as they saw me, they asked me what would look better. I gladly helped them.

It was finally time to go to the airport or should I rather say that I really dreaded this moment? I haven’t seen Carlisle the entire day. I was really worried and was internally debating whether he would even come down to take this journey. Though when the time came, he descended the stairs with both our suit cases. I was relieved, yet worried, but shoved that thought away and said goodbye to the kids and Renesmee. Everyone waved goodbye, when we entered the car and Carlisle sped away to the airport. I didn’t dare to say anything and just kept on looking through the window. I noticed Carlisle throwing glances in my direction, but I didn’t want to face him. I thought I even heard him sigh several times.

Finally at the airport, he only shortly announced that the first destination was London. I nodded and peeked through my hair at his face. I thought I saw pain and regret on his face. Is he planning to leave me? I thought panicky. I was near to tears on the plane right, but kept myself together the whole flight. After what seemed like an eternity, the plane landed and I nearly ran outside. I inhaled deeply and faced Carlisle. It seemed like he finally wanted to say something, but he never did. Frustrated I got into the cab and we sped to the hotel. Shortly after that we were in our suite in the upper part of the hotel. I unpacked mine and Carlisle’s luggage while he checked in. I couldn’t keep on doing this; I had to ask him why he was behaving like that. He never treated me like this.

Suddenly I heard the door opening and closing. I walked out of the bedroom and into the floor. I stood there, my arms folded. “Carlisle?” I asked determined to get my answers. “Yes?” he said unsure. “Why are you behaving like that? You don’t have to do this for me. If you hate me, just say it. I cannot say that I would be okay, but I could maybe someday live with it, but I cannot endure the silence between us. It’s torturing me, Carlisle. It really hurts, just tell me now!” I admitted with tears. He looked shocked for a moment, before the dominant emotion on his face was remorse and pain? Now I was really confused. He stepped closer to me, but didn’t look at me. Hesitantly he began:” Esme, you’re the love of my existence. I couldn’t wish for more, with you this life is a dream world. No one can ever make me a happier man than you. I could never leave you. You’re so pure, I don’t even deserve you. I could understand if you want me to leave.”

I couldn’t realize his words. He still loved me? But why was he so absent and rejecting? I stretched up on my toes to reach his face. I let him look at me. “Carlisle, I could never leave you. All the love I have is for you, you’re my savior, my lover, my heart. Without you, I would have died in despair and pain, never knowing what pure love is. Life is not livable without you. How could you even think that?” I looked into his golden eyes and he held onto me. “I love you so much and would do anything for you. Yet your deepest wish I cannot fulfill and I see you in pain ever so often because of it. And every time I have to think that maybe you would have a chance to fulfill your dreams if I hadn’t existed in your life,” he admitted with a devastated expression. “Carlisle, without you I would be dead. You’re my dream. Stop giving you the fault for everything. What do you even mean?” He watched me for a moment before he answered. “You want to be a mother so badly and I see you around kids, how you smile and how happy you are. Yet I cannot give you a child,” he said sadly. “Listen to me, Carlisle. That breakdown has nothing to do with you. I was just overwhelmed with the memories of him. I never regretted your decision to make me a vampire, so please stop.” He hugged me close and I kissed him fervently.

We swirled into the bedroom. I giggled. It was a very rare time that we were on our own and I was overjoyed that everything was alright between us. Carlisle was glowing as well. A huge grin was present on his face and his eyes sparkled. He took me into his arms and laid me softly on the bed. Then he bent over me and started kissing me. I was so lost in the moment that I forgot about the present for Carlisle. “Wait a second. I forgot something. Don’t move,” I instructed hastily. He only laughed and mimicked a statue on the bed. I got to my suit case in a hurry and found the bag I was looking for. With it, I rushed to the bathroom and put the black negligee on. I didn’t look in the mirror; I just rain outside to find my love. One moment his eyes watched for me and the next moment they became huge when he spotted me in my outfit. “I thought this was a good present for surprising me with this trip, plus I didn’t have much time finding something else,” I admitted sheepishly. “You couldn’t have chosen better,” he laughed and took me in his arms once again. “I love you so much,” he whispered between kisses,” As I love you.”

I hope you like it! First stop of the "world" tour: Great Britain!

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