Scars, Sounds & Secrets

Chapter 10 "Fears and Fathers"

Amery's P.O.V

I tried to fell asleep to the peaceful sound of Niall's heartbeat and rhythmically breathing... but I couldn't.

I held his hand tightly and tried not to wake him up. He had spent enough time trying to comfort me. He was just such a perfect boyfriend. Without him... I had probably broke down crying every night until I completely lost it. He was my rock. He made me feel safe but I still couldn't get rid of that nagging feeling.

What was is it? Guilt, because I wasn't sure if I was there for him as much as he was there for me? Fear, for digging up more secrets from my past? Or... need. Need to see the person I had called my father for as long as I could remember? Sometimes I just hated myself for doing this to him. For hurting him when I knew he was honest every time he told me he loved me and that I always would be his daughter. Other times... It just felt like he deserved it.

17 years had gone and he had been lying to me the whole time!!

I sighed and looked up at Niall. His bright blue eyes were closed and had been that for a half hour now.

I raised my hand and ran my hand through his soft blond hair. He looked so adorable whilst sleeping. I couldn't help but smile at him.

I suddenly realized what the feeling that had been nagging me was... Change... Something about Niall had changed. I sensed that there was something that bothered him but he didn't want to tell me anything. He had simply refused all the outdoor suggestions I came with and always wanted to stay at home. It concerned me.

Didn't he want his fans to see me? Were I too ugly? Was he ashamed?

I sighed and brushed it off. Maybe it was nothing... Maybe I was just overreacting.

I kissed his cheek lightly and cuddled up to him, trying to fall asleep.

He must had felt my touch because he instantly wrapped his arm around me pullling me even closer as he started to mumble something. I found it so cute that he talked in his sleep.

"I can't.. But I want to... She has to know" He said. What did I have to know?

"Please... I can't do this. She must know.... I love her"

My heart skipped a beat at those three words. He loved me?? I suddenly felt so happy. He loved me! In that moment I knew that I loved him too.

"But why haven't he told me yet?" I  thought to myself. Pretty obvious wasn't it? He was afraid I didn't feel the same way... just like I was. But now I knew better. I pecked his lips softly.

"I love you too" I whispered, with heat in my cheeks.

God, I wish I could do this when he was awake. But I was a coward. My lack of guts had also been the reason why I couldn't make myself meet up with Richard. Not even after he had called and told me that he wanted us to meet and talk things through.

I didn't knew what it was but in that second I was afraid. Maybe because of the fact that I wanted everything to be like it had been before... Or was it the look in Niall's eyes when I had turned towards him for advice. The look in his eyes... had it been... fear?

Somehow I still felt drawn towards Richard. I wanted to find out more about my past... I wanted to find out more about my brother and my mom... what had actually happened towards them. I grabbed my phone and my jacket and searched for the little piece of paper in my pocket. I finally found it and wrote it down and sent Richard a text.

I want to find out the truth... When can we meet??

I placed my phone and the paper back in my pocket as I snuggled up to Niall and closed my eyes. Now I just needed an answer... on lots of questions actually.