Scars, Sounds & Secrets

Chapter 13 "Traumatized"

Amery's P.O.V

The rain was pouring down today, leaving who ever was stupid enough to walk around in this weather completely soaked. The raindrops drumming lightly on the window has always been such a soothing sound for me. As mom always said; "Water is rinsing for the body as well as for the mind. The sound of it has such a magical effect on you. You almost hear your soul getting rinsed"

I smiled slightly at this weak memory, instantly turning serious when I remembered my brief visit on the hospital only a month and a half ago. I had amnesia. It was such a huge thing to get used to. You know... the fact that some of your memories actually are missing. It gave me the same feeling as it did when you made jigsaw puzzles and some of the pieces missed. It was just frustrating!

"Shit!" I muttered as my deep thoughts was so distracting that I almost dropped my sizzling hot cup of tea on my broken arm. I sighed relieved when I woke up from my daze in time to save myself from much more damage.

This stupid arm made everything so difficult! I couldn't even shower properly! Good thing I had Niall by my side.

Niall... He had been so sweet, caring and patient with me the last time. I admired him for being able to cope with me and my endless pouting. I just hated to be such a burden for him. He didn't mind though. He said he found my pouting cute and that he loved to help me out. That it was his duty to help me till I got better.

He'd been like that since I got back from the hospital. I genuinely thought that he tried his best to repair the broken trust between the two of us. I tried my best too and things started to get back into what they were before. Niall told me everything he knew and made sure to apologize at least a thousand times each day... He was such a sweetheart! And I let him know that!

The only change I missed was all this drama with the management... I wanted to be public with Niall. To hold his hand when we took a walk down the streets without having to hide from paparazzies.

"I know babe! I'd do anything for you! Don't worry! We'll go public soon enough!" He reassured me each time I told him about my difficulties with all this.

It hadn't happened yet though... Although our two months anniversary had been a while ago.

It had been such an amazing anniversary though. Taylor had been picking out clothes for me to make sure I looked perfect (and as a sort of apology for not being there as much for me as she could've been. I didn't mind though. She was my best friend. I couldn't get mad at her!).

I bought Niall the new Justin Bieber album as he had been constantly fangirling over it. He of course freaked and almost suffocated me in a tight hug! He made it better though showing me the beautiful moonlit picnic he had planned. It was so romantic and sweet of him! Just... Perfect.

"Only the best for you, Am" He had said, kissing my knuckles gently.

"Are you ready to give up the peace with Niall? Ready for tons of questions and the flashing lights?" A voice in my head asked. Was I ready for the fame? The hate? The rumours? The millions screaming girls throwing themselves at Niall? My mind told me no.... but my heart which felt nothing but the growing love for Niall told me yes. Honestly... I didn't know!

But again... There was so much I didn't know! I didn't know if I was ready for the life of a famous person. I didn't know what had caused my amnesia or much about my past. I didn't know much about the future. I... Just didn't know about anything anymore!

I didn't even know what had been of Richard the past month. I hadn't had any contact with him since the accident. I wasn't even sure if he knew about it.

Why should he care anyway? I was his daughter and so what? He didn't seem like a good father anyway...

Definetely not after what Niall had told me. He was a murderer and I wasn't going to get near him again. Never.

"A trauma leads to this mental lock-down that eventually ends up as amnesia. It is one of the common reasons for amnesia. People who experience something really serious and traumatic in their past, kind of go through a lock-down in their heads. They block everything out and makes sure not to come near anything that reminds them of the trauma until they eventually forget it" The doctor explained.

I just listened, lightly tightening my grip on Niall's hand not wanting to let go. This was freaking me out! What had I experienced then? What was it I was avoiding?

I had so many questions in my head but only managed to let out a few to the doctor as he simply gave me some advice and told me that the memories would reappear by themselves some time.

But when?! I wanted the answers now!

So there I stood, sipping lightly on the warm cup of tea when it suddenly hit me. A memory I had been waiting for... but never expected to come...

I gasped and dropped the cup just to see the liquid flood out on the freshly cleaned floor., leaving a mess I knew I had to clean up later. But not now. I had to do something way more important. 

I had to talk to him... Richard. Mixed feelings started to appear in a pit in my stomach. The anger rose in me and I knew it was best to talk with Niall about this before I did anything else. He had to know. Actually he knew this. But not all of it.

Not the way I had seen it...

I quickly picked up my phone and dialed his number, praying that he would be pick it up. The tears came just in time with the lump appearing in my throat.

"Hello? Am?" I heard Niall ask worriedly as I didn't greet him as usual. I cleared my throat and sniffled before I with me husky voice said;

"I know it now Niall. I know the reason for my amnesia. I've found the trauma. I saw him do it, Ni... I-I saw him kill my brother"...