He Signed My Cast {Connor x Evan}

Connor Murphy {8}

I couldn't decide on weather or not to go to school today. I didn't want to go cause I had to see Evan and just cause I didn't want to in general. But I also wanted to go so I could see Evan. I know it's confusing but after the text message conversation we had yesterday, I was 50/50 on what I was gonna do today for school.

How could Evan not think I'm a bad person. I've always been this way and I don't think I'll ever change. And I why would I? If i do, then everyone will still hate me. I'm a bad person and that's all I'll ever be. I'm a freak, a loser. I'm..... nothing.

I decided to go to school. If i see Evan then I'll talk to him, even though we have classes together.

I got ready, didn't really care about how I looked. I just left the house not wanting to talk to my parents or Zoe really.

I got to the school right as the bell rang, I was actually hoping to see Evan before school but guess that won't happen. But I did see Jared.

"Hey Connor. Wow you look awful."

"Gee thanks Jared."

"Aww what's wrong? Didn't see your boyfriend and now your upset?"

"Shut up Jared!! Evan isn't my boyfriend!!"

"Then why is your name on his cast?"

"I was just being nice. What is it a crime for a boy to sign another boy's cast?!"

"Woah. Calm down freak."

That's when I snapped. I grabbed the collar of his shirt and pushed him against the wall.

"I KNOW I'M FREAK!! YOU DINT HAVE TO KEEP REMINDING ME ON HOW I DON'T FIT IN!!! YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM!! NO ONE KNOWS WHO I AM!! NO ONE!!"

He didn't look scared. He looked like he had no emotions.

I snapped out of my head and realized what I'm doing. I gently let go of his shirt and ran away toward the bathroom and hid in a stall.

I rested my back on the stall door and slide down. I thought about what i just did to Jared. I didn't want to do that to him, but sometime Jared gets on my nerves.

Why am I like this?

Why can I be different?

How come every time I'm around Evan I don't act like myself?

How could I'm nice around Evan?!

That's what realization came to my mind.

Evan Hansen is what makes me not myself. When I'm around him, im nice and not my normal self like how I just was with Jared. But he's seen how I've acted before, so how come he doesn't see me as a bad person like everyone else?

Maybe he sees the good in me. But there's very little of that within me. I only show that when I'm with him. So maybe if I spend more of my time around him then maybe I'll turn out like him.

Nice, sweet, polite, cute.

I mentally slapped myself when I thought of him as cute. I don't think he's cute. I actually don't know what I think of him.

I laid my head against the door and took deep breathes.

Me and Evan aren't even friends, how could I possibly think he's cute? But I don't think he's cute. Why am I saying things like this, I've never thought or said anything like this about anyone! So what a guy, and why Evan?

The more I thought about it, the more I denied it. I can't like a guy or anyone! Cause they'll never like me back and I don't want to ruin their lives like how I've ruined everyone else's lives. And I'm not gay! Either is Evan! So this could never work!

I got out of the stall right as the 2nd period class bell rang.

I've been in the bathroom for an hour and I missed 1st period, so I missed the class I had with Evan. Damn it!

I walked to my 2nd period class and saw Jared by his locker.

"Hey Jared, I just wanted to say sorry for what I did to you earlier."

"Connor Murphy is apologizing to someone. Evan's changed you dude. But I accept your apology."

"Thanks. And have you... seen Evan today?"

"No I haven't actually."

"Oh... ok. Thanks."

I walked into my 2nd period, just hoping Evan here.

*•Time Skip•*

It's now lunch and I haven't seen Evan at all. I would normally see him in the halls but I haven't. I was just hoping he would be with Jared at lunch.

I grabbed my food and walked to the empty table I always sit at. I saw Jared, but not Evan. I was a little bit upset that he wasn't there. I just through my food away and listened to my music. But Jared actually came over to my table.

"How you doing Connor?"

"Fine I guess."

"You don't look like it."

"I'm always like this, remember? I'm apparently the person who will turn out to be the school shooter and such."

"I take credit for that. I'm the one who started that. Sorry."

"Don't worry about it. Who cares though right?"

"I know Evan does."

I looked up at him with a confused look.

"Really? He cares?"

"Yeah. Whenever he sees people call you names and look at you in a bad way, I can tell he feels sorry for you. He cares and I guess I do too."

"Thanks Jared. But you haven't seen Evan at all today?"

"No. I tried to call him and text him. No replies, no call back. No nothing."

"So he must be at home then."

"Alone."

"Wait, alone?"

"His mom's at work and after she gets off she goes to her classes that she takes. Sometimes I worry about him. Even though we barely hang out, he's still my friend."

I started to worry as well.

"Can you take me to his house after school?!"

"Uhh.... sure I guess."

"Thanks Jared."

The lunch bell rang and me and Jared both went to our next class. I was gonna ask Jared to take me to him house now, but if I miss anymore classes that I'll have detention. Again, I really don't care.

I only care about Evan.