Hiding Behind The Mask

7. I don't want to say goodbye

Laila

I feel like I'm frozen, just stuck and not able to utter anything. My brothers in the hospital, there's so much to say. What happened? Will he be okay? That's what I want to ask but i'm speechless.

"laila let's go see him okay sweetie." Her voice it sounds so broken , she's in pain. All I can do is nod and follow the officer into the car where he drives my mother and I to the hospital. Most people probably hate hospitals honestly but I didn't. I saw them as a place of healing, a place where there were these  magical people who could perform surgeries and fix people.

 It always comforted me but now, I was just wishing this whole thing was a dream and that Chris wasn't actually in that place right now. Because no matter how much I loved the place I also knew that not everyone can be saved.

 "We're here." The officer says bringing me out of my thoughts. It was so silent in the hospital all I could here were our footsteps and the machines. 

"Here he is, i'm not sure if he will make it he isn't in great shape." the nurse told us. She then said to us that the doctor would be here shortly to talk to us. 

I finally turned to look at him, I wish this was a nightmare and that any minute now I was going to wake up and laugh with my family. He was covered with tubes and there were cuts,burns and bandages all over him. The sight makes me want to cry. Why aren't I crying? Is there something wrong with me? My brother is laying here barely having any chance of survival and I can't muster up a single tear. While my mother is bawling her eyes out. 

The doctor comes in after 5 minutes with a sad expression on his face. It isn't like my mothers but it was close.

"Chris had internal bleeding in his left lung and also he had 5 broken ribs, fractured his wrist, and there was also bleeding in the brain. We did the best we could but when we had heard about the accident it was already too late to fix some of these injuries." 

"What will happen next?" my mother asks the question on both of our minds. 

"I'm sorry ma'm but he only has around five more hours to live, he can't wake up so you won't be able to speak with him. I will leave you two alone with him for as long as you need, if you want anything just ask the front desk and I'm sure they would be happy to help." 

My Heart dropped at his words. Only five hours, that's all we get and he won't be able to talk either. 

"Oh Chris, I'm going to miss you so much baby please don't leave me." My mother holds his hand   , eyes are red and puffy and tears falling on his sheets. Three hours pass and it was my turn to say my goodbyes. I don't want to say goodbye though. It doesn't feel real yet it is. "Can I be alone with him mom please." She walks out of the room so now it's just us, me and my big brother.

"So hey, i'm not sure if you can even hear me right now but if you can then please listen. I'm gonna miss you like hell big bro and I really wish you didn't have to leave us but you do, and it really sucks." I can feel my eyes starting to water.

"Remember when I was 14, you were 16 and um there was this boy who I had the biggest crush on and he finally asked me to be his girlfriend.It was my first boyfriend,  and then it turned out that he only asked me out as some dare and was making fun of me behind my back. I got so upset , I went home that day before school ended and cried my eyes out. You were still in your 'I don't give a flying fuck attitude about anyone at that time so you just played it off as whatever. I saw your hands though they were so bruised, and when I went to school everyone kept talking about this guy who punched my ex-boyfriend. Even had your name." I chuckled.

"Anyways I knew that you were the one who did it to him and I felt so happy because you were always there to protect me. You were a great big brother, I mean you had your moments like pushing me because you wanted something first, but you were still so caring and protective." I was now full on crying too, I probably look like such a mess right now but it doesn't matter.

"It's gonna be so lonely with ought you, I'm gonna miss your lame jokes that always make me laugh at the end, your horrible cooking, and that song you wrote and never stopped singing. Like it was pretty terrible sorry but I still loved it because you were proud of it. You should see your face when your singing that song you look like you're in love." I teased him even though he wasn't awake. 

"Oh and about being in love I heard about the girl you've been seeing. I saw her too she came to talk to you, she's real pretty and I bet she is gonna miss you so much too. Guess what I'm gonna be in a play, Romeo and Juliet. Romeo is pretty grumpy but I just know there's a story behind it, you know how I love stories Big Bro except, I have a feeling his isn't a very happy one."

"If there really is a heaven have fun and it might take me a while to catch up with you up there but I'm sure we'll see each other again. I love you big brother to infinity and beyond." I whisper the last part under my breath. 

"Goodbye."

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After that day I took a week off from school and today I'm coming back. I don't know why but I'm nervous maybe it's because he's gone and everyone is going to look at me with those eyes. I    hate those eyes where they show pity and act like they care but in reality they don't.

I was right everyone was going to give me those eyes. They even whispered things like, "I heard her brother died she must be so depressed right now." or "Her brother would want her to move on." They don't know what my brother would want because he's gone. 

    Never coming back. I find it so strange how someone can be here one minute and then poof they're gone.

I walk over to Jenny and we don't say anything to each other and she pulls me into a hug. I try to smile but it doesn't reach my eyes. It's fake and she knows it but we don't say anything for a while, it's just silence. "Sleepover?" She asks and I nod because that is exactly what I need. After class was over it was time for lunch I wasn't feeling like going into a cafeteria filled with students so I just told Jen that I wanted to be alone right now. I need to just have some quiet.

I decide to just sit over at this grassy little hill not too far from the cafeteria but far enough to not get seen. I start crying, dropping this protective wall that makes it seem like i'm strong and fine. Just when I thought I was finally all by myself alone with my thoughts he comes, Liam. He was the last person I wanted to see especially when i'm crying so much. 

"May I?" He points to the spot beside me and I just nod. "Why are you over here Liam?" I ask while sniffling. 

"Just needed to get away, you?" 

"Yeah me too." He looks at me for a moment. 

"Why are you crying." 

"Haven't you heard, my brothers dead." I say my voice dripped with a bitchy tone. 

"Right, stupid question." I shake my head in response with a weak smile "It's alright but hah funny thing is when I first heard about him in the hospital and when I saw hime I couldn't muster up a single tear." I laughed, "Pathetic isn't it, well it's what I thought at least." An emotion appears on his face, could it be worry. 

"Actually I hate crying it makes me feel weak." I turn my head up to look at the clouds. 

" Maybe but it's okay to feel that way sometimes. It shows that we are human and perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see life with a clearer view again." Responding back to me.

That day I couldn't stop thinking about what he said to me. 

                    What's your story Liam Crawford?

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Here's chapter seven it's longer than the others so enjoy ;) It was a kinda sad chapter because Chris died. I did want you guys to get to know Chris a little better but I feel like killing him off is an important part of story.