Moving on - g.d

F o u r

"I'm so glad you gave me another chance Cass, I won't let you down this time, I promise."

Grayson's words caused my stomach to twist and knot. I made a mistake by saying yes, it wasn't that I didn't love him because I did, but it was because of how temporary I was. I may not be staying here much longer and I didn't want to force Gray into a long distance relationship, it wasn't fair on him. I also felt awful for Ethan because I'd rejected him only to accept his twin. Maybe I'd be the one to let him down this time.

Instead of not giving an answer at all and raising suspicion, I simply nodded, resting my head on his chest and closing my eyes. I enjoyed the familiar scent that welcomingly enveloped me and a small smile fought its way onto my face. It was perfect.

I also enjoyed that it was silent, nothing was said between us and that helped me slip into a serene state of calmness that caused my eyes to grow heavy. My breathing slowed and I was just about to sleep until my phone began to receive a rapid and vast amount of notifications that quickly pulled me out of my relaxed state.

Popularity on social media wasn't anything new to me yet I'd never had a problem where my phone constantly received new likes and comments and followers. It was strange. Quickly grabbing my phone, I opened social media and found that Grayson had tagged me in a photo. The photo was one that he had just taken, my eyes closed and a small smile on my face, yet it was the caption that had sent his fans into a frenzy, "My angel ❤️".

My stomach once again lurched. Scanning the comments, tears pricked my eyes, "Ew she's so ugly!" "She's fat." "Why did she steal my husband?" "She looks like a total bitch."
They shouldn't have got to me as much as they did, I blinked rapidly to fight back the tears threatening to fall.
"Are you okay babe?" Grayson asked, only concern etching itself into his features.
Before he could see my expression properly, I nodded, "Yeah... I just didn't expect so many fans to react that quick."
At this, he smiled sheepishly, "Well there is 7 million of them."
The figure caused me to feel even more sick to my stomach yet I forced a painful smile, "I have to use the bathroom."

Stepping inside, I locked the door behind me,scrutinising myself, realising that all of his fans' words were true. I was fat, I was ugly and I was definitely a bitch. I'm sure I was the only person who had hurt them so much. I tried to suck my stomach in yet it still hung over my jeans slightly, pressing my thighs together only made them wider the other way, then my eyes drifted to my face.

My eyes were too big for my face, the dull brown irises staring blankly at me, my nose was long and flat, widening out ridiculously at the bottom and my lips were thin, definitely not capable of being good at kissing.

A single tear slipped down my cheek and I felt even worse, as now my cheeks eyes were rimmed with red and my cheeks puffed out only making my appearance seem to be larger.
I stared at the toilet warily, I didn't want to resort back to those ways. I'd only done it twice and both were as bad in terms of my mental health, yet I didn't want to be seen as unworthy of Grayson because of my weight of all things.

Gingerly crouching in front of the bowl, I did what I needed to do to empty my stomach. I can't say that it felt good, yet I felt empty, of both food and my dignity. (A/n; I'm not trying to downgrade anyone who has an eating disorder, everyone's beautiful and this is purely a fictional characters thoughts that do not replicate my own at all!)

Luckily, I'd mastered remaining silent while doing this so all I had to do was brush my teeth before returning to Grayson who smiled at me gently when I returned.
"What took you so long?" He asked, watching me intensely while I shifted uncomfortably under his deep gaze.
"Upset stomach. Spicy food." I said quietly, not meeting his eyes so he couldn't tell my lies.

I could tell that he didn't believe me, he knew me too well, yet he didn't push it and I was grateful for that. I felt immature for what I'd just done, I had left high school now, but I knew that it was the only way that I could completely lose the weight and quickly.

"Cass... We never actually uploaded that old girlfriend tag to our channel, would you please film one with me? Or we could do the brother vs girlfriend video?" He suggested, practically begging me with his eyes.
"Of course... I just need to look good for my big debut..." I whispered with a weak smile before running to my room to change and apply makeup.

I changed into a baggy Levi top that ensured you couldn't determine my body shape then set out on my makeup, lining my eyes to make them look narrower, contouring my nose so it was extremely slim and over lining my lips what made my lips look cute and pouty. I gazed in the mirror and was actually pleasantly surprised by my makeup.

Running downstairs, I sat in between the twins on the sofa who had already set up and were ready to film.
"Cass... why have you got so much makeup on? You're naturally gorgeous..." Grayson frowned as I shrugged, "I wanted to look good and I feel cute like this..." I mumbled as Ethan's arm snaked around my shoulder.
"If she feels cute then let her live Gray, we know what she looks like with and without makeup and she's amazing either way, and I'm sure our fans will fall in love with her personality, looks aren't everything."

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End of chapter!
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-Ky 💜