Winter Snow

December 22nd

December 22nd

I actually left the house today. Got a few things done to keep my mind preoccupied. I did some shopping for Niall sense i've been with him for a while i thought it'd be nice of me to go grocery shopping for him. 

I went a bought you a ton of blue balloons and after a while of searching i finally found an actual helium tank balloon blower uper thing that i could actually buy! How crazy is that? Well i know what im going to do tomorrow. 

I ran into a lot of fans today. They all hugged me and cried, i couldn't help but cry myself. They're all such amazing girls who love you so much. We all miss you. Zayn misses you, Liam misses you Niall misses you. your mother and sisters, your brother, your whole family. My family. Our family. Baby we all do. 

We all keep waiting for you to come back but i think everyone but me has figured it out by now that you're not coming back. I on the other hand will probably never figure that out. Just waiting to wake up i guess. 

God im so tired. Maybe the reason that i wont wake up is because i can not fall asleep. I know im tired and i feel like if i layed down i would pass out immediately but i try and as soon as i lay down im wide awake, my brain decides to think about every single wonderful memory i have with you. 

This might be strange, but on bad days i think about the accident. I think about what you went through it. I try to imagine what it would be like. To see the car coming toward you. To imagine how it felt. To imagine what kind of sounds you heard. I Cant... I should stop.. I've had a pretty.... decent.. day so far today i dont need to make things worse. But sometimes i just cant stop it. 

Sometimes i feel like its going to take over me. What happened to you. As if it happened to me. And im so sorry for that. 

~Harry