Trapped in The Happiest Place on Earth

Seven

Seven

“Ah. The golf ball.” I say as Dastan and I enter Epcot.

“It’s not a golf ball!” He practically yells at me. “It’s the world’s first geodesic sphere.”

“Whatever!” I cry. “Does it really look like I carewhat shape anything Disney is?”

“No, but you would if you knew how much it matters.” He says, so matter-of-factly that I’m tempted to ditch him. “That geodesic sphere maintains,” He begins. I hold my hand in over his mouth.

“Look,” I say. “Your job is to guide me through Disney and show me all of its magic and whatnot, not to bore me to death. So can you please just stick to the interesting stuff, and try not to force me into suicide?”

He crosses his arms in frustration. “I would if you thought anything were interesting.” He says.

I blow a strand of hair off my forehead and say, “I have interest in a lot of things. And if you would spend more than an half hour with me before judging me, than maybe I’d be more open to share them.”

He looks up at the sky. And I look around the park. The sun is just beginning to rise, and until now we’ve relied on the park lamps for light. Epcot isn’t open this early in the morning, so it’s only us and other cast members wondering around. It feels kind of empty without everyone crowding the attractions and without the park music in the background, but I’m not complaining.

The only noise you hear is that of other cast members, and some voices from inside the attractions nearby us. Dastan and I are practically yelling at each other, so it’s no wonder that in all this silence we’re attracting attention.

“Well,” Dastan says drawling me back to our conversation. “I’ll try to stop judging enough to listen to you, if you decide to shut up long enough for me to get a word in edgewise.” He bargains.

I look at him mysteriously; somewhat insulted, and somewhat delighted by the deal.

“Fine.” I say.

“Good.” He says. Together we breathe a sigh of relief.

“Now,” He says with a new found enthusiasm. “To Spaceship Earth!”

-Which is also known as the time machine of death.

Well, not really, but it might as well be.

When we walk onto the ride, which is inside of the “geodesic sphere”, I find that the ride is running and a cast member stands at the control panel. We walk up to the ride’s car and just before we reach the spinning platform Dastan whips around to face me.

“Before we board,” he says. “Allow me to inform you of the rides history.”

I roll my eyes and place my hands on my hips; biting my tongue not to go off on him.

“Spaceship Earth opened in 1982 with Epcot’s grand opening on October 1st.” He says. “Since then it has undergone four renovations and four narrators -the current one being Judi Dench.” I nod as if it is all very exciting. “The vehicles you see here are called Time Machines,” He says motioning towards the green cars passing us by. “Along the attraction you travel from prehistoric times, to the present, and then after, you can plan your future.” He explains as if I’m not totally aware of what kind of torture awaits me. This is one of my family’s favorite rides and we ride it all the time- 3-8 times a trip.

Talk about boredom.

“Well then, let’s get to it.” Dastan says stepping forward. We board the car, he getting in before me, and sit down.