Lost Myself Without You

Chapter 2: Hannah's Past

I'm the kind of girl that suffers from depression because I was almost raped by my own father, I dealt with that dark past throughout my whole entire life, I still talk to him but things aren't the same. I tried to forgive him for what he did because inside me he broke me, he tore me apart.

It's incredible how your own father would do something like that, I numb the pain with drugs, cigs, and cutting. I began cutting at age 13 and stopped at age 18. I was sent to rehab for mental health but deeply I wasn't mental, the monster who did this to me is.

I tried to live my life with this but I can't just accept it or ignore it. Every time I try to push away the thoughts it comes back to me to hunt me. But something so great, something so big helped me keep my mind busy and not think about it much, and that big gift is my only beautiful daughter Destiny.

She's now 1 year and 8 months and it's been a hard tough life for the both of us, her father never wanted to recognize her, he would always deny her, even though she was born with the only birthmark that he only has in his butt cheek and she got it there too. It's too much of a coincidence right?

But I'm the mother and I know who the father is but he's just too of an asshole to be with such a great baby girl like her, he doesn't deserve seeing her first steps or hear her first words, he just doesn't deserve to be around an angel like her. And now I'm all grown up and decided to close the chapters of my past but not burn them because what my father did to me scars me for life.

I am holding on tight for my beautiful daughter that's innocent of all the bullshit and drama that's been going on in my life. I just can't let my past knock me down anymore. I was bullied while I was in high school I have dressed all darkish type I would listen to rock, and I would cut and do drugs.

That's why I was labeled as the emo girl or the witch from Halloween. All those stupid name tags would affect my self-esteem. I was deeply lost doing coke would do it to just disconnect out of this world for a moment and just pretend I have nothing to cry about. I still remember those lonely nights I would cry myself to sleep, and whenever I'll take hot steam showers, how it will hurt with all the scars I would have in my body.

I'm now clean from all of that, but I still get naked and I can still see the old scars they remind me of what I've become, and what I've been through. I had a very strong argument with the monster that's called the father of mine but for me, he's not a father he's just a piece of shit who has my blood on his.

I buried him because he wanted me to abort my daughter and I decided to give her a chance to live life and see what's in it because it's not her fault she was inside of me, it's not her fault the condom popped that night her father and I had sex, it's not her fault, so I decided to be fair and decided to push away the monster who is my blood and prefer to give my daughter the chance to see life by my side.

I've been through a lot believe me but now thanks to her I had become stronger and wiser, and I'm more responsible I stopped doing drugs for her, I quit it all only for her. And now all I have left is to continue life as a single mother and try to move on with her by my side because she's the only thing that motivates me at this moment and I'm thankful for that.

I thank God every night for giving me an opportunity to have a little meanie me by my side that calls me Mommy, that kisses me in my cheeks whenever I cry, the only one who knows that everything she has is because I had sacrificed myself so she can have all of that.

And everything she needed I would run to go get it no matter what I had to do I would sacrifice myself for her because she's mine, she came out of me a little angel who is here to help me through the hard times. Once again I'm forever blessed even though I had a terrible childhood and a terrible past.

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Authors Note

Hey, guys, I hope you enjoyed this chapter please let me know of any grammar or errors that you may find so I can be able to fix it and make my story better with the help of you guys. Please stay tuned for more chapters coming up.. please comment below of what you think about the story and please leave a vote before you exit thank you love you all for your support💕