Love

Trusted not to be

Right now I’m going to go to this boy I use to go with this boy name Jonathan Andryn Garciã-Lopez. This is quite a story but I’m going to try to make a long story short, can’t make any promises. After this story you might think I’m a whore, but you’ll be alright. So when I was going to the 7th grade technically still in the 6th but anyways, I was at the store and I seen this fine tall buff light skin sexy boy looking at me. Woah was he fine as hell, but I wasn’t looking for a love. So I was like “Fuck em” so I kept walking out the door when he stopped me and told me I left some bags.
I then turned back around and told him thank you. He then stated to tell me his name “John” as if I asked even though I didn’t. I followed by saying “I’m william, but people call me willie or bobo” he laughed hysterically like I was Kevin Heart of some sort. I did tried to spit some moves on him and drop my mom food stamps card. Trying to bend over in front of him , this nigga gone come help me pick it up, like really, but I’m glad he did that because when we picked up both sides of that card we made eye contact. He had the beautiful Cyan contacts in, well at the time I thought they were his real eye color. When we made eye contact I felt something special and I felt his soul, well that’s how I felt. He then asked me for my number, and of course I gave it to him and he gave me his.
He told me to call him when I got home to make sure I was saft like he was police. Guess when I call that nigga. “When did you call him William”, child I didn’t never call him he wasn’t on my mind. Let me tell you what was on my mind was that butter pecan ice cream that was in my bag. He called me the next morning and asked did I forget about him and I couldn’t lie I said “Hell ya” he laughed and we talk and talk and had about a great three hour conversation that ended up coming to a stopping point. The thing I was worried about about John was the age difference.
I’ve never went with nobody about three years older, so that was a change I wasn’t use to it,  hell this was my first boyfriend too be honest, but back to the story one on his. I became really close to John. John was also sweet to me and I thought he loved me for everything I had and still love me.
John and I really hit it off right off the bat.
I really loved John and I trusted him with everything I told him and knew he wasn’t going to tell anyone ever. He was my knight and shinning armor and he cared and he actually gave a fuck about me unlike the other extra fuck boys that didn’t give infinity fucks about me. John and I had connections. We understood each other and I felt like no one else understood me but him, and it took every fiber in my bone to finally tell John I love him after the months we were together, but what John never told me was that he was an crazy ex………*wait for it*………girlfriend. *What William for real.
Yes! Serious as a heart attack he had an ex girl friend. I thought it was straight gay not bisexual, but I loved John so much at the time I did care about his extra baggage, until the bitch got out the way and step in that disrespectful lane. When she did that it was no back from trying to be nice to this girl. So, I asked John to tell her about me and tell her I don’t play games when it comes to my man. So he let her know and she stopped for a while, but not long enough. So I thought I should pay her a visit.
I paid her a visit and unlike me I was cool, calm, and collected about the situation of her still texting my boyfriend at the time, but it seem that if she didn’t care. So I had to let her know the next time I caught her texting him or he came to me about texting her it was going to be more then just a sit down. Maybe you guys think that’s a threat which……but she tried it, and sometime females you have to get down like that because some people are just hard at understanding. I told her I was going to beat her ass like her momma shouldv'e. Was I wrong?
Yeah I was wrong for handling it like that, but that’s why I’ve learned but it seemed like she never learned. So on National Boyfriend day in Oct, John sent me this long paragraph saying how he apologize for having sex with his ex. I thought about it and at first I said no, but then he started filling my head up with how he much he loved me and cared about me, even thought it was old shit to the ear, but I trusted him enough and respected him. So I eventually told him to come threw, but that was a mistake, because I knew exactly what would happen. We had sex, “for real William”, yes we had sex.
I was so scared, but its not all you thought it’d be, but after that he treated me like an actual partner. I thought to myself *Did I really have to give him the cookies for him to treat me like a actually matter, well more then he did. I was happy as hell he treated me great, but little did I know that baby momma of his was pregnant. Shit! I was mad as I don’t know what. When he told me that I felt so used and then I started thinking is this why he started buying me things and bringing me food, because he knew he fucked up. How dare he betray me.
I hated him deep down inside. I feel so stupid for making this big mistake of trying to make things good with John. He played me like a grand piano, started off telling me he loved me started saying that he cared about me, then went into how he’d never leave my side and that he would always be there threw thick or think, fat or skinny, tall or small. I feel like he gave me false hope and promised me some shit that didn’t last for long. I loved him with all my heart, but sadly he moved to Atlanta with his baby momma that’s due in April of 2018 a week before my birthday. For Christmas break he came to see me. Fuck him I thought.
Deep down inside I had look for him and they were real feelings, not any play feelings. I tried to give him everything I had, such as love, and I feel like he gave up on me for a family, because I couldn’t give him something that she could, a baby. Something so small but realistic. After that I felt that John didn’t want anything to do with me after he got her pregnant. I want a child as well but apparently he wanted one too but, he wanted his blood to stay pure. He broke my heart and for a while it was hard for me not only to love again but to trust again.
When I love I love hard everyone person that I have spoke on so far I’ve love and still do, but let’s get off John for a while I want to go to this other boy. So there’s this kid name KJ Lipton and he likes me a lot I guess but the feeling is not mutual and he knows that but, I don’t want to break his heart because I knew how it was getting rejected by so many people. That feeling that you get is horrible and you feel unwanted.
I totally understand, all you want is that person and hope and pray that one day they'll want you and only you. Some people would never understand my pain, but never felt my kind of love, never loved the way I have, and probably never have been fucked over like I have. So I understand KJ's love for me, but I don’t like him that way and I try to refrain  my self from talking to him because I don’t want to give him the wrong prospective as if I have strong feelings for him, because I don’t.
I just really wanted to get that out the way of my heart. Every time I think about KJ, I think of Robert and I’ve really had a hard time thinking lately. My mind been every everywhere. It hurts deep down inside to know the person you still love doesn’t love you but theres another person that loves you and you just don’t feel the same way they feel about you. Let’s  off boys all together, for now.