Love

Pass To Future

Thought out all this I damn show forgot bout reality. It think that’s my problem I think I’m so worried about my pass and not ever worried about the future. I love myself but I have not always loved my self. I have been threw more then you actually think. I’m regular didn’t go threw the normal process as a child. I grew up up fast, and by fast I mean real fast. I wish that would’ve slowed down the process from being frowned up. I have cut myself where no one could ever find it, because I don’t want people to worry about me or think I did it for attention because I didn’t.
Sometimes I feel like I could’ve did something about it. I could’ve did something about the bullying the abuse the rape and a lot more ,but I had to come to reality that I couldn’t do anything about my D.N.A and where I came from and who cared about me and who didn’t. I could tell more people didn’t give a fuck bout then people who actually did. Too bad that I had to learn to care for my self, and know that I could only care for myself like no one else could. So may doors have been slammed in my face for advice. No one will maybe ever know my pain and everything I’ve been threw. I tried my best not to self-distruct but I kind of thought I had no choice. At night I was sit in my room and beat my head some times until I bled, and cut myself until I the point where it immuned to me and I did it constantly and it didn’t stop. I needed help. Serious help, QUICK! I forgot all my cries no one could hear. I just needed some one to hold me and then I would think at least one person would care about me, but turns out nobody didn’t. I was alone in my own world and no one knew my pain and no one gave a fuck. Got bullied elementary all the way up to now. People hate gay people well at least I knew they hated me. I needed an escape, I wanted to go far but not to far, just far enough to think that someone cared, but no one did I tried to tell people my story about  being raped about being abused but not one did anything about it but use me even more then I was, they added on to the pain. Sometimes I wished that I would bleed to death hoping no one would find me but some one will to see who cared. Would they leave me there to suffer or would they actually help? What if I tried it, I needed to do what I had to do to see who cared and who gave a fuck. So there I was sitting in their loving room cutting my thigh, while I was home alone, and got to shocked when my big sister walked threw the door and stopped. I knew she would tell mom and she would probably call the police. I needed some one who cared who really gave a fuck.