Love

Mother Dearest

When I first came out I had bullies and when I say bullies I mean big bullies, but I was never scared, but the worst thing is having to come home to a bully, and its even worst when its your mother. I always thought my mother hater me but she didn’t, she hated who I was. This cause me to think that she had a problem with me and she hated me. Growing up in a household with two sister and barely a mom who was home with no father, was harder then you think, and you would think after your children were taking from you, you would learn, but sometimes I think what if we were in that foster home just a little longer then we were, would a bell ring in her head, but I’m guessing it never did. When I was younger I would wake up sometimes scared she wouldn’t come home. She always takes about her mother and how she left her to fail but what about her children, is it that she wanted the same for us. How dare she, I never understood why my mother kept leaving us in the house along. At time I would think is this even our mother, but sadly it was. I was angry at her for a long ass time. At time I thought she would choose men over her children when she was home. She would go with whatever a man told her. Was it because she was scared, because if it was I needed to do something about that quick. The only thing I knew to do was pray and I would ask God for mercy for my mother for all the sins she had committed. Did she care about all the things I would try to do to help her. Fuck no she didn’t. She needs help, serious help, well at least I thought. Half of the things she would do would have me nervous. She would believe anybody over her seed. Was it because she didn’t give a fuck or she really didn’t trust us. What kind of mother says she don’t want to be like her mother but resembles her like a exact replica. It sacred and haunted me for years until this day. When my mother found out I was gay it was one of the biggest fucking pills she had to swallow, but she was my number one bully I feel like she would  shame me to her friends like I was a mistake of a child. How could she do this to me. How could she say she look me no matter what and shame me. How? I net if I asked her right now she would act fucking clueless like she has short term memory lost, but she doesn’t dozen but she damn show act like don’t know much.