stray kids ; changlix | crash ↺

09 | gravity

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"you should go rest, it's pretty late," i urged felix as we got home, gently patting his shoulder with my hand as he mindlessly nodded.

he was evidently tired from the long day, and to consider that he arrived just the other night and was still in the sense of a jetlag - i couldn't help but feel guilty for dragging him out.

slowly, he began shuffling up the stairs towards my room, trying to rub his eyes awake as he stumbled through his feet. once he realised that i wasn't behind him; the younger boy stopped and looked down at me.

"i- are you not coming?" felix tilted his head, eyelids half closed as he whispered the question with a some-what pout.

i couldn't control the chuckle that escaped my lips, "i'll go out to cycle and be back in an hour," i promised.

"okay," he mumbled, nodding as he faltered upstairs, too defeated to say anything else.

i shook my head, trying to tear away the feeling of wanting to see him again. but i wanted to make sure he didn't slip or fall on his way up, that he didn't trip anything up - or that he calmly tucked himself into a small nap.

"aish," i threw the thoughts away, heading into the living room where i saw my parents having a late-dinner and wine night by the tv.

i leant onto the threshold as they engrossed themselves in each others' presence, giggling and being all lovey-dovey, and being everything else that defines a healthy and caring relationship.

"oh changbinnie," my mother noticed my silent lingering, "i heard you come in earlier, is everything alright? where's felix?" her voice was as sweet as always.

"everything's fine," i smiled, tugging my lips tight, "we had dinner earlier with the rest of the guys," i referred to the loud bunch of kids, "so felix went to sleep, and i'll go out to cycle."

my father was nodding lightly, his glasses sitting on the rim of his nose as goosebumps ran along the skin of his arms. the living room was always a chilly place, it was just one of those things that no one brought attention to anymore. "take care," he cautioned, "it's already dark."

i waved them goodbye and left, stumbling to the shed by the side of our house. i pulled out my bike and rolled it out through the front gate before hopping on.

looking back, the kitchen lights were on, but my room upstairs was pitched close with curtains. felix must have went to sleep straight away.

i sighed heavily and took off, the windless evening engulfing me into a sense of utter nothingness as it always did.

it's why i loved cycling, it distracted me from everything around me.

no thoughts, no words. just me, music, and a dying sunset somewhere behind the dimming horizon.

it was relaxing really, the numbness that i simply never realised until i'd reach home panting and out of breath.

my parents were concerned at times about this matter, but in the end - they both agreed that it was just the way i coped with myself and that it shouldn't be prevented.

the roads were swerving me a bit off focus, drilling into a pattern as the stones rumbled beneath the wheels.

my heart was beating sternly against my ribcage, a rush of adrenaline that reminded me of the feeling from whenever i was with felix.

although i haven't known felix for long, there was already a couple of things that i associated him with. things such as storms, fountains and genuine warmth that i couldn't explain.

it lingered on my mind without my own realisation as i cycled through my way back home with the darkness now all around me and the streetlights dimming down on me.

climbing off, i made sure to lock everything up before quietly entering through the back door. to my right, the kitchen light was still burning at the end of the corridor and i could see my father's old friend who stayed in the bedroom downstairs this summer. he was drinking what seemed like tea as he engrossed himself into his researching material, never noticing me as i headed towards my own room.

the stairs creaked and i let a murmur of curses slip my lips as i climbed to the top. i peeked into my room slowly - only to be greeted by utter darkness.

clearing the way with my phone, the artificial lighting bounced between the floor and the sleeping dark-haired boy on my bed.

if you were to ask me, i personally think i did a great job at quietly changing out from my street clothes and brushing my teeth before tucking myself into my blanket.

but as i lay on my back surrounded in silence and felix's soft breathing, i realised that my side of the bed was cold. very cold. and goosebumps ran along my arms, and shivers chased down my spine.

"why is it so goddamn cold," my voice was barely a whisper as i rolled onto my side and tried to bring myself to sleep.

only to no avail as i rolled onto my other side the next moment and sighed tiredly.

i tugged my blanket closer, dug myself deeper into my pillow, and still i couldn't find myself comfortable.

minutes later, i found myself staring at felix's back that was turned towards me. i wanted to pull him closer. but i knew that i really shouldn't.

however in the next moment, felix flipped himself around so that he was facing me. his eyes fluttered open for a split-second before he noticed me and immediately drew himself closer to me.

there was a small smile on his face as he sighed with his arm shyly lying beside my stomach and his head snuggled into the crook of my neck.

"thank you," he murmured against my skin, falling back asleep in the next moment.

nodding softly, i wrapped my arms around his shoulders and lingered off as well, nothing else spoken between us.

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written: january 08, 2018 | 03:50am

: first day of school starts in like a couple of hours and here i am crying at almost four in the morning because of grrr 총량의 법칙 lol