stray kids ; changlix | crash ↺

15 | lost & found

———

you could have guessed that we spent that whole day to ourselves, cuddling and sneaking kisses, murmuring confessions and fighting over who loves who more.

the television hummed in the background, running a marathon of some old series that i didn't know as rain began to flutter outside. 

me and felix still draped over the bed, the younger boy now lying comfortably on top of me as he nuzzled into my chest and occasionally stole kisses from me. i pouted each time he broke away, trying to win him back— but he just stuck his tongue at me and continued watching the animated screen with one eye.

sighing, i found myself staring at felix. again. 

his gaze followed the moving images with a drag, and his fingers sketched into the skin of my hips; a spot he couldn't seem to leave alone, his touch always stuttering like fire.

i held him equally close, my arms hugging his body — our pulses hitting off one another.

"you know," felix whispered, bringing his eyes to meet mine as a smile lingered on his lips, "i could totally spend my whole life like this."

i rolled my eyes playfully, pausing to look straight at him, "i can agree to that —but only on one condition."

he tilted his head, humming, "what is it?"

"be my boyfriend," i let myself slip again.

felix blushed immediately, growing giddy in split-moments as he let his inner fangirl out a little. he beamed from side to side and leaned in to lock his lips with mine in a promise.

kissing felix was like a whole new way of breathing, without actually having to breathe. it's legs tangling in knots and storms in your stomach, eyes shut close and hearts leaping out. it's like time frames on pause and muffled words ringing in your head, hoping the moment would never end.

"i hate how you're the one making the first moves," felix suddenly pouted when we broke away with heavy pants, "if it gets to it— i'll be the one to propose," he bagsied and burst into laughter, and i couldn't help but giggle at the thought.

and you could cringe all you want, but what could we do? we were two kids, two kids who were in love with each other without any doubts or complications.

but a thought loomed over my mind, a thought that i've been avoiding for way too long.

"what's going to happen to us when you move back to australia?" i whispered so quietly it almost went unheard.

but felix heard, heard it well as his eyes dimmed momentarily into a pit of sadness and despair. "i— i don't know," he looked away. "i don't want to go back."

i could see his running flinches, trembling lips and clenching fists as he sunk into his head.

"hey, hey," my hand landed softly on the side of his face, sternly holding him in place. "look at me, it's going to be okay."

i let a moment pass for him to calm down, my thumb caressing his cheek as it ran along the marks on his skin.

"things aren't so good at home," he confessed in a whisper, "my parents sent me away with an excuse to recover from my injury and everything else— but i know there's more to it than just that."

"your injury?" i was taken aback.

felix nodded slowly, taking in a deep breath, "it's stupid, so stupid. but my friends and i thought it was a great idea to get drunk one night and drive downtown," his eyes held shame and anger at the same time, the words coming out of his mouth felt like another language. "i'm not the type to drink, but they dragged me along for the fun of it and i couldn't say no—"

i listened, trying to interpret the story that i couldn't believe existed behind the younger boy's contagious smile and adoring laugh.

"—my best friend at the time, the guy who was driving, was completely out of it," felix shut his eyes for a moment, his tone bitter at the memory, "he almost ran over a person, but his girlfriend, who sat at the passenger seat, managed to swerve us enough to avoid the figure— sending us flying instead."

he was shivering under my touch but i couldn't stop him.

"i don't know how we all got out alive, because it definitely wasn't a minor accident," he recalled the instance, "but my friends got away with scratches and scrapes, their biggest concern was to deal with a hangover the next morning."

i gulped, awaiting the worst.

"—and then i was knocked unconscious, with my legs crushed under metal while the girl in the front seat spent the next two weeks in a coma," he looked at me then with glass eyes, "after a year of operations and rehabilitation — i could walk again, but the doctors told me that i should ideally quit anything that would put pressure on my legs; including dancing, unless i wanted to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair."

i pulled him into a hug, my hand on the back of his neck as i brought him closer. he sniffled into my shirt as i ran my other hand down his back in gentle strokes. "take it easy, take your time, i'm here," i assured him.

he wiped his nose, his face was wet from the tears that involuntary escaped his eyes. "i'm such a burden to my family," he sobbed, "who'd want a son like me? a torn past, no future. no wonder they sent me abroad, probably in hopes for me to get lost here and never come back—" he spit the phrases as it destroyed him.

"felix look at me," i held his chin and rubbed away his tears, "you didn't do anything wrong. it wasn't your fault," i tried to carefully pick out my words.

"but—"

"—no," i cut him off, "i'm sure you misinterpreted your family. they sent you here for a change of setting, to get away from that life and to recover. they did this because they love you, just like i love you."

felix didn't say anything for a moment, but then only clung onto me as he let himself cry for once.

  ———  

written: february 03, 2018 | 01:38am

me all week: i must write!

me before writing: how about more fluff, yes, fluff.

me after: what just—