stray kids ; changlix | crash ↺

13 | icarus

  ——— 

 i don't remember who's exact idea this was — but whoever it was — just know that i'm eternally grateful. because right now, with the lights all off and the everyone huddled in silence, felix clung onto me as if it was the end of the world.

and its been like that for over an hour, ever since jisung got the horror movie rolling on the television screen of his living room.

i wouldn't say it was that bad, besides, half of us already watched train to busan, and only agreed to a repeat because of hyunjin's and jeongin's adoration with the lead actor gong yoo.

from the corner of my eye, i saw chan leap from out of his skin with every jump scare; he didn't mind horror movies, but he wasn't so fond of them either. meanwhile woojin was only watching it with one eye, having the decency to almost fall asleep until minho threw popcorn into his face.

that aside, me and felix sat on the sofa, a blanket shared between us as he wrapped himself onto me like a koala bear. his arms locked behind my neck, and his legs crossed around my hips, his face hidden in the crook of my neck.

i couldn't help but melt at the sight, his soft breathing tickling my skin as he never let go. my hands naturally rested on his waist, pulling ever-so closer whenever a zombie popped up or someone got torn apart.

so whoever suggested the horror movie night, i owe you one.

sitting on the other side of the couch; seungmin glanced at the two of us, giggling as he poked jeongin and the two of them teased us with smirks. i ignored them and my flustered cheeks that couldn't be seen through the darkness of the room, staring right ahead at the film.

it was quite late, no doubt, and so when felix's phone rang— it scared the hell out of all of us.

for a moment, he stared at the screen as it rang. his eyes suddenly filled with a different type of fear as it reflected through the light of the incoming call.

written out in english with nothing but a default ringtone, it displayed a contact that flashed with the selfie of himself and a girl hugging tightly, mickey-mouse ears on their heads and people all around.

incoming call...
big sis~
[answer] [decline]

"sorry i got to answer this," felix finally stirred from out of his thought, pulling away as he stumbled out of the room and into the corridor.

i exchanged looks with the guys as they paused the movie, sharing concerned looks as it grew uncomfortably silent.

i could hear felix's quiet voice on the other end, murmuring in a language i couldn't understand as a thousand thoughts flooded my mind.

did the contact name on his phone stand for older sister? he never mentioned that he had a sibling, nor has he ever mentioned his family in any conversation we had. just then and there — i realised how little felix spoke of his life at home. and i couldn't deny that it worried me.

to my right, i could see chan's expression that morphed from surprise to shock in split-moments as he obviously eavesdropped, but once we locked gazes — the older boy shook his head, "it's not my place to tell," he explained in a hushed tone.

as minutes hung, someone resumed the movie as it played on lower volume, but even so — i was glued to felix's faltering voice through the wall.

and in those small moments, i realised just how little i know about felix's life in australia. or in truth, i simply didn't know at all. you could ask me a hundred questions on his preferences, his favourite things and future aspirations — and i could answer them all. but mention his family, friends or school — i'd go mute.

so when felix got back, i couldn't speak. he flopped down back beside me and wrapped the blanket around his shoulders, avoiding me as i looked at him.

"don't look at me like that," his tone was quiet, stammering as he tried to watch the television screen.

"felix what happened?" i brought my hand to his cheek so he could face me, but as soon as our eyes met — he tore his gaze away.

i felt completely torn apart from him at that moment, he never pushed me away like this before.

"felix—" i tried calling out to him in a whisper as he dropped his chin and shut his eyes close. that's when i couldn't stand it anymore.

thoughtlessly, i grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the room. none of the guys asked us anything as we left, understanding that it was none of their business to confront.

i knew jisung's house inside out, i knew he leaves the back door open at night and so it wasn't too hard to get out into the garden. felix stumbled behind me, my hand wrapped around his wrist as we tumbled onto the grass. 

i sighed in relief at the windless night as we lay on our backs; pulling felix closer towards me, with my arm under his head as i heard him murmur my name.

"changbin why— what are we doing?"

"don't you think the stars are pretty? i always wanted to watch the stars with you," i let the words tumble off my lips.

taken aback, felix looked up at the glimmers of light in the void of nothing but darkness. "they're pretty.." he agreed with an echo.

"still not as pretty as you," i sighed, my eyes roaming the freckles on his neck as the younger boy suddenly faced me.

"changbin i—"

"don't say anything. as much as i want to know everything about you — you must have a good reason to keep it hidden from me," i huffed a deep breath, "all i'm asking for is not to push me away. i can't stand the thought of not being with you."

felix just stared at me, eyes tearing up ever-so slightly as i mustered a small smile. i leaned in closer and landed a soft kiss on his forehead, lingering for a moment until he relaxed into my touch.

moving away, he enveloped me in a hug. my hands running down his back in reassuring strokes as he shivered even though it was a warm night. he nuzzled into my chest, and together— we watched the stars.  

    ———   

written: january 21, 2018 | 20:26pm

me before writing crash: oh this is going to be a short fanfiction, no one's gonna read it anyway

me writing chapter 14: I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO THE PLOT OF THE STORY, AND THERE'S ACTUAL READERS I—