———
"felix, are you sure?" i stared at him, the two of us standing by a supermarket shelf as the people around us passed shocking glances.
"yup," he turned towards me, "i've always wanted to do this."
"your parents will kill me—" i muttered.
"they don't need to know," felix smirked, holding my hand tighter.
for a moment, my heart hit loudly against my ribcage, but i forced a sigh and pretended everything was okay. "whatever happens, we both know i was forced into this situation," i laughed.
felix beamed, throwing the kit into our shopping basket as he leaned in to kiss me. i was obviously caught off guard, his hand momentarily on my chin; pulling me even closer as i couldn't break away.
for a second, i forgot about the people around us and simply melted into the kiss. it was slow and nothing so special — but definitely enough to send shivers down my arms as i felt felix's lips curving into a smile.
it was one of my favourite things, when felix broke our kisses with a smile because he's simply incapable of holding in his happiness.
"what did i do to get such an adorable boyfriend?" i chuckled as we stood at the queue, running my hand past his cheekbones as i ruffled his hair.
he hummed in response, fluttering his eyes close for a moment, "i don't know, but i hope it wasn't black magic or something—"
"yah!" i finger flicked his forehead.
"now what did i do to get such an abusive boyfriend?" felix pouted.
i scoffed, "abusive?" i had my arms crossed against my chest, "forget about cuddling with me tonight," i stuck out my tongue at him.
"but you know that i can't sleep alone!" the younger boy exclaimed, grabbing onto my shoulders as he apologised. "don't do this to me binnie—" he pursed his lips again, hugging me as i tried to keep my cool (which must i say, was beyond impossible).
seeing that the cashier got to our basket, i whispered "—fine, whatever," into felix's ear so that he could let go off me.
unsurprisingly it worked as he unplastered himself from me and simply intertwined our fingers, watching our shopping list get scanned through.
the woman quietly worked her way through, occasionally stealing glances at felix and i before adverting her attention to the variety of products we bought.
from six packets of pocky to a box of apricots, to the most important of them all — felix's hair bleaching set which he somehow persuaded me to get.
i managed to pack everything into my bag, swinging it over my shoulder as we left to walk back home.
felix never let go of my hand, hopping lightly on his feet as he always did which made me falter in thought for a moment.
his story never left my head, always lingering somewhere at the back even when i wasn't aware of it. i was unconsciously always in fear for him, afraid something would happen and open up his scars. i wasn't able to look at him the same way ever since he told me everything.
"what's on your mind?" felix interrupted our steps as he tilted his gaze to look at me.
we stood by a sidewalk, a couple of streets away from my house. "it's nothing," i tried to smile at him.
but felix looked through me, "binnie i can see something is bothering you," he rolled the sound of my nickname as if it was second nature.
i shook my head with a sigh, my thumb sketching circles into his knuckles. "i'm just worried about— about your injury and—"
the taller boy didn't hesitate to immediately pull me into a warm embrace, his arms securely around my shoulders as i dug my face into the crook of his neck, my hands locked behind his back without a second's doubt.
a summer wind murmured by, shivering the trees that hid away the evening's light as shadows leapt from place to place.
i sighed heavily, closing my eyes.
"you don't need to worry about me," felix whispered, huffing a small laugh, "you see, at first i didn't want to leave australia, i didn't want to spent the summer alone in a stranger's home, and i simply didn't want to accept the fact that i needed to recover. but when you opened that door for me when i was drowning in a storm, i couldn't help but regret all my previous thoughts," he let a chuckle escape his lips, "you were so kind, so adoring, so accepting of me. i was afraid that once i told you about the life i was running away from — you'd hate me too. but no, instead you held me close and let me cry in your arms, murmuring promises and littering me with forehead kisses," felix suddenly pulled away to look at me, "instead of worrying about me, please know that you saved me. i don't think i would have made it through if it weren't for you—"
"—please shut up," i whispered back, my eyes covered with my hands, "or i'm going to cry."
felix chuckled at that, bursting whatever bubble of strenght i had as tears streamed down my face, "how can you laugh right now? doesn't it hurt you at all?"
"when i'm with you, nothing matters. i'm happy, and that's enough for me to keep going," he took my hand again.
looking up at him, i finally understood.
felix accepted his past and moved on, because being on the verge of nothing taught him to treasure time, in a twisted way — it taught him to be happy.
and looking at our hands, i understood that i was the happy that he needed.
———
written: february 12, 2018 | 18:55
i did not spend my whole day off playing superstar jyp—
YOU ARE READING
stray kids ; changlix | crash ↺
Fanfiction"all you ever do is cycle around town." "yeah, it distracts me from my thoughts." "what thoughts?" "my thoughts about you." ↺ where felix moves into changbin's family house for the summer in order to get away from another life. - lowercase intended ...