Memory Loss (Harry Potter Drarry slash)

23: [And so the Tables Were Turned 12] I've Already Lost Myself

*Trigger Warning!* This chapter may be a tough read because it deals with mental illness and suicidal tendencies.

Harry honestly did not know what to think-all he knew was that Draco had been molested by Slutty Piper again, acted really weird directly after it happened, and two hours later she was dead.

Was it really just a coincidence? Or did Draco actually have something to do with it? Harry did not want to believe that his boyfriend had set the murderous Malfoy Piper loose merely because he'd been pissed with Slutty's slutty ways and got tired of her.

Sure, he did not want the clones there-Harry did not, either-but surely he would never go to such extremes as to actually have one of them killed! Right?

He spent many hours the following days contemplating this, and as he had done many times before, he now sat and watched Draco without his knowledge. Desperately searching for some kind of sign that he was changing like he had changed the night of their double date with Ron and Jonathan. But nothing.

If there really had been something strange about Draco that night, it had apparently been a one-time thing only. At least that was a comfort ... But still. There seemed to be something going on with Draco that he would not tell Harry about, and it concerned him. Draco always told him everything, and he got furious whenever Harry broke his promise and did not tell him something.

"What's wrong with you?" Draco asked, and totally shattered his line of thinking.

He blinked. "Huh?"

"You keep staring at me all the time. It's creepy. You don't have any emotions in your eyes-you're just staring."

"Oh. Sorry." Harry forced himself to look away. He could feel Draco studying him intently, trying to figure out what was wrong. Eventually, Harry found the strength to ask the question that had been burning on his tongue for over four days now. He looked up at his lover. "Draco ... did you have anything to do with Slutty's death?" he wondered cautiously.

Draco jerked as if he had been hit in the face. Then he swiftly rose from the armchair he had been reading in, an indignant and hurt expression on his face. "I can't believe you just asked me that," he said, and Harry had the feeling that he had done something utterly stupid again.

He hurried after Draco. "Wait! I'm sorry, I shouldn't have suspected you like that! Dracums, please stop and just listen to me for a second. It's not like I actually thought you'd murdered her or even set Malfoy Piper loose on her, it's just ... doesn't it seem a little too convenient to you? She had sexually harassed you for the umpteenth time and then suddenly she turns up dead and Malfoy's loose? Doesn't that seem weird to you?"

Draco just stared at him with black eyes.

Harry sighed and drove his fingers through his long, blond hair. "I'm sorry, I'm a jerk and a total bastard, I should just shut my big mouth and stop thinking so bloody much all the time," he muttered self-mockingly. The therapy was not exactly helping, was it? He was already criticising himself again.

"You should get a haircut," Draco said indifferently. "I want my hair to be just like it was when I get my body back, don't forget that. I love my hair-it's my best feature."

"No, your best feature's your eyes," Harry objected. "Dracums, please, will you forgive me for ever suspecting you? I know you're not capable of that, but I had to ask, didn't I? Please ..."