Meredith's Thoughts Volume 2

My decision has been made, and I don't like Aidan.
I'm just not feeling how I thought I felt, something was just off.
He's a cool person a cool friend, but I'm not into it.
Into him.
I'm not sure if I ever was as much as I thought I was.
I think at one point I was.
But then something just broke, and the feelings were just gone.
I feel bad, because I've been told that he likes me a lot.
But I'm not going to fake it.
I know that I'll forever be hung up on the same people.
But they're not an option, and that's okay.
I know I'll get over it eventually.
Maybe not today or tomorrow or the next day, but eventually.
And when I'm hung up on them, I can't like him.
It just doesn't work.
I find myself thinking about them more than him.
Because they give me the happy feelings and I get nervous around them.
Well, if they talked to me.
But I can tell I would.
Then that happiness turns to sadness.
Because I know that I'm not the person they smile about.
I know I was just entertainment.
But it is so much easier to say you understand then to actually understand and be okay.
I know when I like someone.
I'll smile when I think about them.
I'll think about them all the time.
I'll try to bring them up in any conversation.
Even if I'm being annoying.
I'll get nervous and my breaths will become shorter.
None of that happened with Aidan.
The tapping and fidgeting was only real for a very small amount of time.
After that, I was faking it.
Almost because I was thinking to myself, "If you like him you should be nervous."
Like I was purposefully trying to make myself nervous in order to convince myself,
That I liked him.
When really, I don't know if I ever did.
If I did at that time.
So I don't know what happened now.
I know I'll be bringing up those same people.
I know I'll be bringing up this whole controversy.
I know I'll become annoying and people will stop caring.
They already have.
But I know two things,
I don't like Aidan.
I like being single.