desperation?
despair?
either way
my life
became part of it.
i think
it started when i was younger
did not know
what i should have trust in
did not like
the way others moved
did not expect
anyone to march to the same
music as me.
i was
not capable of
feeling hope
hope for being normal
hope for being skinny
hope for being pretty
hope for being enough
for anybody.
i was
not capable of
my role
role of being a girl
role of fitting in society
role of saying please and thank you
role of giving my best
to anybody.
when i could not even
give my best
to myself.
when every night
i would lay in bed
and not letting
the sleepy sky
cloud my mind
yet there i was
letting
the sickening tears
flow my cheeks
until
the desert of my skin
turned into an ocean.
i had so much
fear
anxiety
pressure
growing up
it was like
seeing your
body grow
seeing your
eyes widen
seeing your
face slim
seeing your
waist define
seeing your
feminity gleam.
and i was not
growing up
it was like
seeing your
soul still
stomping a toddlers
heavy steps
tumbling
twisting
and turning
through a life
to it's own
pretty odd
music.
it was like
still not being normal
even though
i tried so hard to
be nice every day.
it was like
still not being skinny
even though
i tried so hard to
fight the scale every day.
it was like
still not being pretty
even though
i tried so hard to
look good every day.
it was like
still not being enough
even though
i tried so hard to
please every one every day.
so
i started to
get caught
in despair
deep drowning
in the ocean
that was my cheeks
every night.
so
that was
the only thing that
i knew i was
capable of doing
for a long time
until i
met a thing that i call
air
air
that i needed
to fill my suffocating lungs
air
that was essential
to turn into gale
and lift me up
like the will
that is required
to turn into hope
and lift you up
from despair.
wherever there is hope
there is a negativity
wherever there is hope
there is a suffocation
wherever there is hope
there is a pressure
wherever there is hope
there is despair.
it is all about
finding the air.
