heartache

eleven

The beeps of the heart monitor finally woke me up. My eyes fluttered open and I saw a group of boys sitting next to me, another one lying on my feet.

"Guys, she's awake," the oldest one said. The oldest one... what am I talking about? That was Darry! Pony was leaning on Darry's shoulder, Two-Bit was leaning against the window and Steve was sitting on the floor. The one lying at my feet was still covering his face. I couldn't tell who it was. I tried to sit up but I sharp pain rushed through my abdomen. Darry got up and gently pushed me back down.

"Try your best not to move a lot. You just got out of surgery yesterday." Wait... why was I in surgery?

"Why was I in surgery?" Darry ran his hand through his hair and sat down again.

"You um, well from what Dally explained, you uh, ran in front of him as the fuzz fired. One of the bullets hit you in the stomach. You blacked out almost immediately." Then the memories of yesterday came flooding back like a broken dam. Coming home. Seeing Dally and Johnny in the hospital. The kiss. The fight. Everything.

"Wait, where's Johnny?" Everyone glanced at each other nervously and Pony sniffled. Nobody said anything. At this moment, the silence told me everything.

"No, he didn't... oh God." The realization sunk in. I covered my mouth my hand and my head fell back against the pillow. My eyes squeezed shut but tears still managed to fight their way onto my cheeks. Tear-stained cheeks were a common look for me lately.

"No, no, no," I mumbled as I cried. Ponyboy got up and sat next to me on the bed. He wrapped his arms around me and I sobbed into his shoulder. He just rubbed by back and said nothing. My tear ducts finally dried up and I pulled my head off of Pony's shoulder.

"Thank you Pony. For everything." He smiled and returned to his seat. The boy by my feet finally woke up and every last part of me hoped that it was Soda. To my dismay, it was not. It was Dallas. My boyf-ex-boyfriend was nowhere to be seen. Have you ever felt like crying, but no tears come out so you just sit there, feeling your heart shatter into a million pieces? Well, that's what happened. Dally and I locked eyes and everyone noticed.

"I think I'm gonna go get something to eat at the cafeteria. You guys wanna come?" Darry said, breaking the silence. The other boys nodded and followed him out of the room. Dallas cut to the chase.

"Why did you throw yourself in front of me?" That was a fantastic question. I had no idea. Was it because I loved Dallas Winston? No, I loved Soda. Right?

"I-I- I don't know." Dally sat in the chair and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Stella, I don't understand you. I kiss you and you flip on me, but then you take a bullet for me. I just don't get it." I shook my head vigorously.

"God Dallas, I wish I understood as well! I just don't know who I love and who I'm in love with anymore either! But I think I need space. Can you tell the boys that they can go home? I think I just need to be by myself for a while. After my head unfogs, I'll be sure to let you know." Dally took a deep breath and stood up. He walked over to me and kissed my forehead, his lips lingering. Then he walked away.

***

I hadn't seen or talked to any of the boys for six months now. I was living with my dad, and completely recovered. I couldn't exert myself too often but besides that I was fine. I avoided the DX, and stayed as far away from the Curtis house as possible. Even at lunch, I sat on the opposite side as Pony. I felt incredibly awful, but I needed to clear my head. And I forgot to mention, I started dating someone. His name was Colin, and he had just moved to America from England. The main reason I had fallen for him was his British accent and sweet manor. He treated me very well, and I thought that if I started dating someone new, I could forgot the troubled past and move on. Of course, I was wrong.