Stephen and Sharpies ~ Watty Awards 2012

Chapter Twelve

January 1st, 2010

Dear Alec,

    Imagine a blue sky, sandy beach, and white seagulls flying around you. Can you feel the breeze on your face? Do you feel the shiver spreading through your bones? I can. Also I can imagine you sitting next to me in the sand. I can see your feet next mine, our hands intertwined. Your rub my hand with your thumb, reassuring me without a word. I can see your smile and feel the grin creeping on my face. I could show you how to write in the sand. We could go swim in the water and scream when the water hits us. Together, we’d kiss in the water and then eat in a small diner. I would be able to steal your favorite flavors of taffy. You’d wipe ice cream off my nose and then push my face into my cone. We could have fun all day and drive home in the dark.

    Now imagine the sun out and we’re sitting outside for lunch. It’s casual, we always do it. You give me a can of soda and I share my Skittles. We talk and laugh. I stare into your eyes and eat a sandwich. You stare of into the distance, not looking at me, but knowing I’m looking. We look towards the sky and smile at the sun’s sudden appearance. Funny how great a day can be with the sun shining. Well it always is fun until the lunch bell rings and you’re gone. Though what if when you left, there was a kiss to bid me adieu? Little things mean more to someone who never had the joys of a kiss from you.

    Smiles and beauty seem to be all you ever want. Can’t you ever just go for the girl who is less obvious about what she wants, who she wants? Could you look at me and not see a friend, but something more? Take me in for a moment and look at me, there must be something you can like about me. I can’t be completely ugly or repulsive, I must have one good quality. You know you’d find the jewels if you ever took a second look at someone versus going for those tramps. They get what they want because they make it obvious and make a move before you men can. So what do you say, are you going to give me a second glance?

    Today is the start of a new year. Wow that’s hard to believe. I always thought I would be gone by now. I would have thought maybe I would have runaway, or something else would’ve happened; guess I am just stronger than I thought. I make a resolution every year and I have never kept one. I hope this year will be different. My resolution is to get you to notice me. Maybe this will do it. It really should get your attention, I mean I am basically telling you that I like you. I guess it is all up to you now, I don’t know what you’ll do. It is just a matter of waiting after I give you this.

    Alec, you have everything going for you. The scholarships, the girls, your friends. I understand if you throw this letter away and forget about me. I will know the reason why you don’t sit by me at lunch anymore. I won’t hold anything over you, I will get over you instead. I still would love to be your friend, but considering the circumstances, I know that won’t be possible. I wish we could be more than friends, I can settle for less, though you may decide that we’re nothing anymore.

    I want you to smile when you think of me. Don’t frown IF you hurt my feelings, because you’ve made me smile. I know everything will turn out for the best. It’ll hurt for awhile and then it will all be ok. I want you to keep me somewhere in your mind, even if you never think of me. I just need to make sure that I’m in there somewhere. Remember to smile because we were friends and take a moment to remember our laughs. Then you can push me out of your thoughts and move on with your life.

    I know I am not worth your time.

                                    Love,

                                        Stephen

    She never gave me those letters. She never said anything to me. I never knew she liked me. I can see her sitting down and writing this and putting it in an envelope and then hiding it away. Her words have crept into my mind and I can see us at the beach. I can see us kissing as I grab her trash at lunch. I can see us walking through the halls, hand in hand. I knew there was always something about her; though I never gave her a second glance. Stephen is everything I want in someone to love for the while of my life. She had it all, beauty, brains, and my heart. Stupid me just didn’t realize.

    I turn over the letter just to check for more writing. There is a note on the back.

    P.S. I never gave you the letter because I knew you’d desert me. I know you would try to sit and talk with me as a friend, but some things can’t be ignored. I thought if I was going to give you Sharpies and talk about you, you might as well see the things I have written to you before now. The letters that I never had the guts to give you. Now you have one of the many letters I wrote you, there might even be more. You know people say that you do crazy things when you’re in love and they’re right. I just wonder if you still do crazy things when you love someone.

    I never knew there was a difference until I felt it. When I fell in love with you I could see that I was head over heels. I got butterflies when you touched me. I smiled just at the sound of your voice. The little things like buying me a soda every Thursday, made me fall in love with you. You treat me better than anyone else ever has. You didn’t even know that until now. Being with you, it always makes me smile and I feel safe when I am near you. The difference between being in love and loving someone is: I can’t love you without kissing you, but I can be in love with you without your touch.

    I smile at her words. Stephen’s wrong though, I love her and I am in love with her all at once. I have never kissed her red lips, but she is wrong. I love her and when I get her back I will kiss her and tell her I love her. I will hold her in my arms and never let her go. I will let her listen to my iPod with me. Together we’ll go on dates and kiss under the stars. Our sisters can play together and we’ll sit and talk. When she gets mad at me, I’ll admit I’m wrong and we’ll make up. I will promise her my love forever and then one day we will be together forever.

    The paper and almond colored Sharpie falls from my hands as I think of how perfect Stephen and I will be one day. I smile and glance outside, I feel as if I can see her. I look away, it hurts too much. Stephen will be home. If it comes to a ransom I’ll steal from someone to get the money.  I have to get her home, I have to have Stephen’s touch. Stephen has to come back, especially for the sake of Abigail. I will get her back, for all of us…

    I have to.