Stephen and Sharpies ~ Watty Awards 2012

Part Two: Chapter Six

“I can’t believe we’re going outside. I haven’t been outside in like two months, but it feels like forever.” Kyle and I have just finished lunch. “So how do we get out of here.”

    Kyle turns his head towards me and smirks. “Right down this hall.” He takes my hand and drags me down a main hall. At the end he take a left and I follow close behind. Suddenly he jerks me out a door to the left. I manage a quick glance at the door it reads: EXIT.

    I start to laugh.

    “What?”

    “This is your super secret way out of the building to go outside?”

    “Yeah, I didn’t say it was secret to everyone. I just didn’t want everyone coming out at the same time or the nurses will come out too.”

    “Oh, “ I say dragging out the o for a while.

    “Yeah so what do you want to do?”

    “What can we do in a fenced area called ‘outside.’” I have for the first time noticed that the world outside is fenced in. There is no outside just a backyard with a barbed wire fence.

    “You can do about anything. Smoke, talk, run, and anything else that is done outside. How about this, let’s walk.” I nod and Kyle takes my hand again into his. I don’t object, it feels nice in a way. I haven’t held anyone’s held in so long. I miss it.

    “So how long are you here for?” I ask Kyle.

    “Until I am better, I guess. What about you?”

    “Maybe in a month. It depends. I’m a little bit better so hopefully it will be in another month.”

    Kyle looks at me and I see his eyes. They’re brown, but a sort of barky brown. I am now more aware of his hand in mine. We’re walking around the hospital, the air is muggy, but cold. I am sort of shivering and Kyle being the friend he is, pulls me tighter into him. I smile at the warmth, his arms are around me.

    “I have to tell you something Stephen. I don’t know how to say this, but…”

    I smile and cock my head to the side. “What to you want to say to me?”

    “I like you. I know that we’re in a psych hospital and all, but you are normal, more normal than any other person in here. You’re beautiful and I want you. You understand me like no body else does and I like you.

    “I. Like. You. Period.” His face is screwed into a worried look.

    I am speechless. His hand wrapped around mine, his body against mine, his arm around me. I can feel my body tense up and then I feel Kyle pull away a bit. I close my eyes and think to myself. I try to make sense of it all. Alec. Kyle. Hospital. All these words mean nothing to me.

    I pull away from Kyle and shake my head. “Why did you have to tell me all of this? I barely could handle you holding my hand and then having you touch me. I held it all in because I wanted to get out of this place. I’m stronger, but I’m not that strong. I am-” Gasp. “Freaking-” Gasp. “Out.” and here it comes the scream.

    Kyle grabs me into a hug and tilts my head into his shoulder. Quietly he whispers to me, “It’s okay, I am not going to hurt you. Only those stupid jerks would ever hurt you. Calm down, think of something else and let the scream disappear.” He squeezes me even tighter and I feel the scream disappearing. Tighter again he hugs me until it is hard for me to breath and then the scream cuts off and replacing it is tears.

    Through the horrible sobs I manage a few words out. Wrapping my arms around him I whisper to Kyle. “Why did you have to tell me though, why?”

    “I couldn’t keep it in. I had to tell you no matter what you think. I couldn’t lie to myself any longer.” Kyle whispers back to me in a low voice. “I’m sorry.”

    I pull away from Kyle and sit down on the ground, continuing to cry. I look up at Kyle and he stares at me, fidgeting some sort of metal box, an Altoids box. He sees me eyeing the box and flips it open and leans down to me. I grab a single mint and pop it in my mouth. The fiery mint taste on my tongue and I can taste the salt from the tears that have slipped into my mouth.

    Looking into Kyle’s eyes and seeing him in front of me I can’t tell if I’m seeing Kyle and Alec or just Alec’s face for Kyle’s. I can’t tell the difference, I can’t remember what Alec looks like.

    “I have to ask you, do you like me? Could you ever like me? Or am I too late and your heart already belong to Alec?”

    “I-I don’t know.” I wipe away the few remaining tears.

    “Can I still be your friend?”

    I look away from his eyes and stare at the grass. I pick at the grass and peel it apart. Kyle hands me the box of Altoids.

    “Take it I have more in my room.” He starts to turn away from me and walk back to the building.

    “Yes.”

    “What?”

    “I want to still be your friend. Yes, I think I could like you, someday.”