Just say it - a smosh fan fic ianthony boyxboy

Just say it- part 18

He... he loved me...

I don't know how far we'd gone before but for some reason it sent chills down my spine when he'd said it, like I wasn't used to hearing it.

But I didn't care. He loved me, that was enough. But that was where I was confused. My memory was a mix of love and friendship. I loved him. I knew I did now, despite whatever my previous self felt towards him.

I straitened my back, still looking into Ian's foggy eyes.

"Ian, I-"

But I was cut off by the tapping of shoes behind me.

"Hi, Anthony." It was Mari, she smiled at me dully, but her face lit up when she saw Ian, laying in the hospital bed staring back at her.

"Ian..." she walked towards him slowly, as if he could break. She stood next to the bed for a second, before leaning down closer to his face.

She kind of... cut me off. She stood in front of me, talking sweetly to Ian as I had only moments ago. Her face was close... had I missed something...? Maybe.... maybe Ian and Mari had something.

I stepped back and lent against the wall, looking at them. There was such... love in her eyes. Maybe memory loss wasn't the only thing wrong with me. What made me think that Ian wanted to be with me at all?

I was holding back tears as I looked at them. I shouldn't be crying, I should be happy for them. I shouldn't feel empty... when he was never a part of me to begin with.

Ian... clearly... belonged to Mari.

I turned to the door to leave, but it was blocked my a nurse and the rest of my friends.

"Five minutes." the nurse sighed, before letting in the rest of my friends and leaving herself.

Josh's eyes were rested on Mari. I wasn't supposed to know this... but they broke up a while ago... I don't remember much of it, but we all knew Josh wasn't over Mari. I could see that by the look in his eyes. He almost looked... jealous that Mari was with Ian.

I knew I probably had a similar look on my face, but for me it was more hopelessness, desperation.

The other guys didn't seem to notice us, but were talking quietly with each other, Matt clutching David's arm.

David glanced at Ian, his face changed when he noticed how close Mari was to him. He avoided eye contact with both me and Josh.

Matt followed David's gaze but wasn't fazed by it at all.

"Umm.." Josh started.

"Guys... you done? Josh and I want to see Ian too."

He smiled at Ian.

"Yea... yea sure..." Mari stood up after she gave Ian's hand a squeeze. I felt sick, but Ian didn't seem to react at all. I wasn't sure weather it was a good or bad thing that he wasn't surprised.

We all walked back towards Ian, murmuring things. 'Its okay,' 'Your gunnu be fine, mate.'

I loved to see everyone together, but it wasn't at all what I thought it would be like when Ian was finally better. Did he even know the consequences that his cutting had on us? He meant the world to me. To us. All for very different reasons.

"So..." Matt murmured after a few minutes of quiet chatter had died down. "What now?"

Mari raised an eyebrow.

"I guess... we just go back to normal... right? I mean we've all pretty much recovered... and I guess there's no point holding onto the past." Lies. all lies, pouring from my mouth. It wasn't over, and things were never going to be the way they were before. Considering I can't remember half of it.