Just say it - a smosh fan fic ianthony boyxboy

Just say it - part 19

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I pressed my lips harder and harder against his, deepening the kiss. I wasn't thinking, I just shut out everything around me.

I relaxed and dropped my hands onto his shoulders, and stepping forwards, still kissing him.

"Josh..." I mumbled. That's right, I was kissing Josh. Josh, I reminded myself, not Ian. Not the guy I was supposed to love.

"Mari." He said, then released me, breaking the kiss.

I looked down at the floor and dropped my arms to my side. I'd kissed him. I'd given in to him. He knew what he could do to me now.

"Josh... I'm sorry..." I looked back in his eyes. His beautiful eyes. Concern washed over his face. He knew he couldn't have me, he knew. He just... didn't know why. No one could. Ian and I had agreed. No one could know.

"Why?" He whispered, stepping back from me and letting me go completely. I felt so exposed without him around me.

"I..." It was a lie, but I had to tell it. "I love Ian." No, I didn't. I love you.

"You really like Ian?" He yelled, it felt horrible for me to see him like this.

I stayed silent. I could screw this up, and badly, too. Once it was all over.... maybe, maybe he would forgive me.

"No..." he stared to the tiled floor. "No, you don't..."

"Josh-"

"I know you, Mari. Better than anyone else ever will, Least of all Ian."

"I..."

"Save it, Mari. Just... Be careful, okay? You've already broken mine, we don't need anymore shattered hearts in the team."

"Josh!" But he didn't listen. He walked out of the room angrily, slamming the door behind him and walking towards the car. It didn't feel like much of a 'Team' anymore.

What have I done? If only I'd stood my ground, at least until we decided... What have I done?!

I did love him. But I betrayed him. The only I reason I didn't tell him was because I loved him too much to see him broken. I just thought that maybe I could keep it a secret.

But I knew that I couldn't drag it out forever.

I'd asked the doctors. I only had a few more weeks before the baby started showing.

~

(Anthony's pov.)

It had been a couple of minutes before Josh came out of the hospital, But it wasn't how long he took that worried me.

He had this twisted expression on his face, I couldn't quite make out what it was. Tears were streaming down his reddened face but he walked quickly, heading strait for the car.

"Josh?" I called out, concerned. "You right mate?"

He looked up, suddenly aware that I could see him He wiped a tear from his cheek with his sleeve, not saying anything to me.

I shrugged and faced back to the front of the car. I can't blame him for getting a little pissed, I mean we hadn't exactly had the happiest day of out lives yesterday.

A couple of seconds later Mari came out, looking calm but I could see the feint streaks of tears down her cheeks.

I didn't ask what had happened, I didn't want whatever was going on to be worse, and I definitely didn't want to be the guy who made it so.

I mumbled under my own breath. My stomach growled and it was only then I realised how hungry I was, having not eaten since when I first arrived at the hospital.

I turned around to see Mari climb in the back of the car and avoid my eye contact.

"So, you guys hungry?" I asked.

"Starving." David groaned. Matt nodded.

"We'll go get something when Ian comes out." Josh said bluntly, cg racking the time on his phone.

We sat in almost-silence for a while. David was chatting loudly and occasionally I joined in, just to keep my mind off things.

Needless to say it didn't work. Whatever happened my mind always wanders back to Ian. I had a feeling it would be like this for a while.

Ian was the only thing on my mind. Despite all that it caused, I wasn't even sure of what caused Ian's self-harm. He told me he would stop cutting... so what happened...?

~

It was a while ago, now. Almost ten years.

We met in high school. We sat next to each other, talked a bit and became friends through friends. It wasn't like any other friendship, as you can imagine. I was holding back feelings for him, and I'm pretty sure he was doing the same towards me.

One night I went to his house and we played some games. I found his razor in the bathroom, covered in dry blood. I never confronted him about it face-to-face, I just wrote it on a note,

'You don't need to. You have me. Promise?' And stuck it on his phone. The next time I saw it it was on my car door when I left the next morning with: 'I promise, you owe me.' scrawled on the other side.

Later in the day I remembered the note when he happened to sit next to me in science one day.

'Owe you?' I texted him. I waited for him to receive the text and hear the tone sound when he sent me back a message.

'This.'

I looked up at him. He smiled, kissed me, then dropped his head back to his work.

In the moment I didn't know what to do. I glanced around to make sure no-one had seen and kept going with my work. He winked at me again a few minutes later, but that was where he ended it.

He was joking.

Get over it, fag.

I remember looking across at him in class and just wondering what his reaction would be... If I told him that just one kiss wasn't enough...would he punch me, or hug me? Would he be able to do anything at all?

I told myself that it didn't matter right now. By the time I had fully understood what it meant that my friendship with Ian was unlike any other, I was in year 12, and knew it wasn't worth coming out now.

I told myself to wait, or at least until we had finished school. Then it wouldn't matter, he could leave me or love me, give or take.

But then she came along. Ian told me about her everyday on the way home from school. When he wasn't with her he was talking about her. Melanie.

She'd been a good friend of ours, actually. I never pictured them together. But when prom came Ian needed a date, apparently one thing lead to another, and Ian was obsessed with her ever since.

For some reason, I was surprised that Ian had gotten a girl friend so easily. He'd never had a serious girlfriend and I thought he would be the kind of guy to keep it that way.

I told myself that I'd moved on, That he'd 'betrayed' me and he never really liked me.

I got a girlfriend as well and we never spoke about it since.

~

A/N

The last parts a little confusing ....eh.."

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