The Life We Once Knew

Nothing You Can Do That Can't Be Done

Things were changing. They were always changing but, as of late, they were going much faster. Paul was moving in with Linda, Jane was completely removed from my life, and Vera was getting ready to start preschool. The friendships I had still stood strong, but they didn't linger like they used to. I didn't spend everyday with my best friends. Things were changing and I wasn't sure if I liked it.

I wasn't looking forward to the future. There were so many things I was terrified of. I was scared to wake up in the morning and face a day where someone could die, I was scared to face the future where I would inevitably lose someone else. Most of all, I was terrified to face the problems the future brought with it.

The Beatles had started work on their next album, as did Storms Over London. Neither album was going well. Paul always came back to tell me he got into another fight or one of the lads didn't show up at all. Tensions were high, not only in The Beatles but in everyone else they touched.

Storms Over London was straining. Tabitha and I were always at each other's throats, our differences were too great for us to see how much we had in common. Minerva was always on the verge of fainting. She was much worse than Janice ever was, and I had to catch her several times. The only person I knew I could rely on, and did, was Linda.

Things were changing and it terrified me. Perhaps things weren't changing as badly as I thought they were. It was only natural that we would get into fights, that's what people did. When you were stuck in a room with three other people for hours on end for years, you were bound to get on each others nerves.

"By golly, Miss Molly, things have gone so far South they're going North again," I mumbled.

It was my birthday, the first birthday which I had celebrated alone. Paul and Linda were wrapped up in moving, George had gone back to India, Ringo was sick, and John was off with some artsy fartsy woman he had just met. I had gotten calls from each of them, George and John even sent cards with classic drawings, but it wasn't the same. I was all alone on the day that dragged me down the most.

There was only one place for me to go. I hopped on the fastest train to Edinburgh and went to the tiny graveyard tucked away where most people forgot about it. It was the first time I had visited Molly's grave since the year she died.

Vera wanted to go, but I needed some time alone. The babysitter was willing to sit with her all day, so long as I came back before midnight. That gave me enough time to sit in the grass next to the gravestone I remembered putting down.

Molly would always be there for me even when she was no longer breathing. Even if she wasn't there, I could pretend she was. I could close my eyes and imagine her sitting next to me, telling me what to do. If I focused hard enough, I could even smell strawberries. 

"I'm scared they're gonna leave me," I admitted, "Christ, I'm scared of so many things, Molly. I'm scared the lads are gonna leave me, and leave each other. I'm scared the band is going to break up, and I'm scared that I'm in love with someone who broke my brother's heart and vanished from my life."

I rubbed my temples. At the moment, it always feels like the end of the world no matter how mediocre your problems may seem. I felt like my entire world came crashing down, and it would, but not yet. Somehow, talking to an empty patch of grass made things seem not as bad. 

"I know what you would say," I mumbled, "John, Paul, George, Ringo, and I are too good of mates to leave each other. The bond we have will last forever and on and on and on. Christ, Molly, you really have a way with words."

I chuckled and shook my head. In a way, Molly never really died, because she was still inside of me. I could still hear her voice and know exactly what she would say. She was guiding me long after her death.