Bleeding Souls

Ch. 13- Jennifer and Heart Ache

     Welcome to Chapter 13. This will be a very interesting chapter. It will be both a positive and a depressing chapter. Are you ready?? Allow me to explain.

     Back to 8th grade, back to Mrs. Vaughan and her English class. After I had met Sarah, we had to switch groups again. So I told her that I would talk to her later. As I moved on to the next meet and greet, I ran into someone who was "different." Her name was Jennifer, she had green eyes and light brown hair. She was beautiful and unique. Now you may be wondering how she was "different," well as it turns out Jennifer was partially deaf... but that never stopped me. 

     I introduced myself and she introduced herself to me. I'm not going to lie her voice took me by surprise only because I had never met someone who was deaf or partially deaf before, so this was new to me. I could tell that she was ashamed of her "imperfections." She was embarrassed by the way she sounded to the rest of the world, but I would not judge her solely based on what she sounded like because she did not judge me based on what I looked like. She had this way about her, just a positive energy that I would never be able to describe. She didn't know it yet but she would accomplish much in the future and would be an inspiration.

     As the months went by, me and her started talking on Facebook messenger because I did not have my own cellphone in the 8th grade, but the more we talked, the more something in me started to change... I started liking Jennifer. We had much in common, and it got to a point where I started to get excited to see her, my heart would skip a beat whenever we talked and she just made me happy. We got along so well because I saw myself in her... we were both ashamed of the things that made us who we were. We both viewed each other as mistakes in the world, never being able to "fit in" with the rest of the world. It had given us the label of "reject" or "undesirable." 

     Then came Valentine's Day. The holiday I hated the most, because no one wanted me to be their valentine. I was always alone on this holiday. Never having anyone to turn to... I mean who would want to be my valentine... a person like me.  But there was someone who did want to be mine on that holiday. Amber gave me a note that was written to me by someone who did not want me to know who they were. I was too dumb to figure out who wrote the note, so Amber helped me out and told me who wrote it... it was Jennifer, the girl who I thought would never like me like that. I approached her and I told her:

"I will be your Kristoff... if you will be my Anna." and she said yes...

     This was one of the better times in my life... someone who actually enjoyed my company and wasn't ashamed of who I was. Someone who liked me for me. Someone who would not run off because I was a "reject" to the rest of the world, a time where I was happy... Everything was great, and I thought that I had finally beaten the world, and proved it wrong.... but nothing lasts forever... You see because of years, of verbal abuse from my mother and the school bullies I was too shy, constantly worried that she would leave. I could never help the relationship move forward because I was too afraid of what might happen. Finally, after 2 months she couldn't do it anymore... I was holding her back, I knew deep down that I was, part of me saw it coming but I didn't want to believe it... we went outside, and she told me that it just wasn't working anymore. So, I did what I had to do... I let her go because I didn't want to hold her back anymore. I was not going to burden her and make her deal with me when there could have been someone out there that could make her happier than I was making her. Nothing lasts forever...and I lost someone else that I cared about. I do not hold anything against her...

     I am proud of you Jennifer... you have come so far. You are an incredible musician, and human being. You have faced much adversity because of your hearing and you have come out on top. You have continued to amaze me. You are going far because you shine brighter than any star in the night sky. I don't regret meeting you or anything that ever happened. I'm sorry that I couldn't have been better for you because you deserve the best and I couldn't give it to you. I'm sorry...

     This marks the end of Chapter 13. Everything comes to an end at some point... nothing can go on forever no matter how much we want it to. I will see you in the next one...