Depression (Dorl)

Part one

Corl's POV:
I've always heard life has it's up and downs but I'm convinced my life just has downs.
I feel like there's nothing good in my life.
Well there's one thing good about my life and that's my boyfriend Denis.
Denis is the most important thing to me.
He is the only thing that makes me happy and the only thing I live for.
If it wasn't for him I would have committed suicide years ago.
He's the only person who understands me, most people don't understand why I'm always so depressed and anxious or why I don't have the will to live.
Denis was actually on his way over but he lives an hour away from me so it takes him a while to get here.
Until he gets here I have nothing to do.
In fact until he gets here I have no reason to live.
What if I just killed myself right here, right now?
Nobody would even care, neither would anybody miss me.
But I need to stay alive for Denis I reassure myself.
I sigh and start crying for no reason because that's how depression works.
I'm always sad for no reason.
No reason at all
A lot of people tell me that I need professional help but I have professional help, I go to a therapist twice every week on Tuesday and Friday.
But therapy doesn't help at all.
If anything therapy makes it worst, all therapy does is points out what's wrong with my life and makes me feel helpless.
Maybe I am helpless, I'm helpless and hopeless.
I wipe my tears away with my sleeve and sigh.
I'm so bored right now, I have nothing to do with life and life has nothing to do with me beside ruin my life.
I start taping my fingers on my phone case trying to entertain myself.
I decided I would text Denis to see how long until he would get here.
Once I sent the text almost instantly he replied
"About five minutes I'm almost there babe." Was his reply.
I smiled a bit, I love when he calls me 'babe'
It makes me feel loved.
But soon that smile turned into a frown.
And I started crying.. again.
Like I said that's how depression works, your happy for about two seconds then your sad and lifeless again.
I wish people understood what depression felt like.
Depression makes you feel like your not alive,
It makes you feel dead inside and your dead inside because you want to be actually dead.
Depression is like a million needles poking you at once.
Voices telling you your not good enough and you don't deserve to live.
You feel like you ruin everyone's day by simply talking.
You always have the urge to kill or harm yourself in someway.
I just wish I could die, there's nothing left to life right now, I've lost faith and hope in everything.
I probably annoy everyone and everything.
I'm ugly and dead inside.
I mean I have no reason to live.
I soon hear a knock on the door.
"Come in" I whisper yell.
Denis opens the door slowly and comes in.
"Hey there cutie" Denis says jokingly flirty.
"Hey babe"
"Guess what I have".
Denis shuts the door and I look at his hands.
He had a bag of Chinese food in one hand and a kay jewelers bag in the other.
Kay jewelers is a jewelry store, so I wonder what he had that for.
"I'm assuming you have Chinese food considering that you have a bag of Chinese food in your hand." I say jokingly.
We both laugh and he places the bags on the table in the kitchen and comes over to me and hugs me.
I kiss him and start to cry a little bit.
He pulls away "what's wrong Braden?"
"I don't know it's just I haven't seen you in like two days and I missed you so much." I said
"Well you don't need to worry I'm here now" he said then kissed me on my forehead.
"Let's go eat" he suggested.
"I'm not hungry right now."
Denis looked at my waist, I hope he can't tell I'm getting thinner.
"Corl babe, it looks like your getting thinner When was the last time you ate?"
I gulped, I didn't want to tell him the truth because I didn't want him to be upset with me.
But I'm gonna tell him the truth anyways.
"Almost a week.."
"Braden, you can't go days without eating that's bad for you."
I sighed
"I know, I'm sorry it's just I don't have an appetite and I feel like I deserve to starve."
Denis looked at me with a rather sad expression.
"You don't deserve to starve, so come eat."
"..."
"Fine" I said with a whiny voice.
Denis laughed and we went over to the table and got out the food and poured drinks.
We found some candles so we lit them and put them on the table to make it romantic because why not.
We started eating, if I'm being honest I was so hungry.
Denis picked up the Kay jeweler bag and took out a black ring box.
He took out the ring from the box and took my hand.
"This is a promise ring, this means that I promise to be yours forever if you promise to be mine" Denis explained.
"I promise" I said then Denis slipped the ring on my finger.
"I love you Corl"
"I love you too Denis"
"I know you do" He said then smirked.
We ate the rest of our food and then went to the living room and sat on the couch.
We cuddled and watched TV.
Denis started playing with my hair then he looked down at his phone to check the time.
"It's already 10pm I should probably start leaving" Denis said.
I frowned
"No, please don't leave me"
I usually let Denis leave when he wants but tonight I don't trust myself I've felt really suicidal today and I need someone to watch over me to make sure I don't harm myself.
"Why, have you had a tough day with your depression?" Denis said caringly.
I shook my head yes and I started to tear up a bit.
"I'm sorry you have to go through this babe, I'll stay here as long as you need me."
I smiled at what Denis said he always knew what to say.
"Will you stay the night?" I asked
"Of course I will" He said then smiled.
We spent the rest of that night cuddling and kissing then we went to bed.

A/n: I plan to update this soon, and I hope you enjoyed this because I'm actually kinda proud of this lmao.
Once again I wanna warn you that this will get a little more intense so if your not mature I don't suggest reading this.
But thanks for reading and I hope your having a fantastic day.
Good bye my people.