Rants on Twilight.

Rant on Twilight: Bella Swan. Pt. 1

Okay, I'm tired, pissed, and have the horrible taste of a ceramic bowl in my mouth. Know what that means? It's time for another Twilight rant! This time, on the wonderfully dull Bella Swan.

The basic storyline is that: Bella moves to a new town, is pissed off because of it, and starts to stalk some hot guy with pale skin. Hey, I don't blame her. I would've stalked him too. With a torch and a bunch of angry townsfolk.

People say that Bella is pretty much like any other teenage girl her age. My arse! She's a fricken depressed teenager who's pissed off because she has to move to a dull, cloud covered town, surrounded by forests. If I was her, I wouldn't complain!I have to live with that daily! She CHOSE to move away and be miserable.

So then, to make matters worse, as soon as she goes to school, boys flock around her like bees to a hive. I mean, that doesn't happen in real life. She's the new kid, you tend to ignore them until they find a clique, or better yet, a decent group of friends.

Then, along comes Edward, a group of ignored kids who prefer to be alone, and refuse to eat food. Now, one thing that bothered me in the film was the fact that Kristian Stuart's mouth moved when she fist saw them. But it's the WAY it moved. It was, 'I see you. I like you. Come over here.' Now, THAT pissed me off!

And on the topic of Kristian Stuart in Twilight, she is a God damn block of wood with lipstick. I mean, just plain old boring! I want to fricken fling the damn book at her! That'll give her some acting talent!!

Then, as if I couldn't be more pissed off with Bella, she starts to get paranoid over a guy who make a face at her, ignored her, and tried to get as far away from her as possible. And guess what happens in the end? He loves her, she loves him and they become soul mates....AFTER LESS THAN MONTH! Seriously, count up the weeks of them talking, going to the meadow, and her being nearly killed. Round 2-3 months in total. Factor in the time when he was ignoring her, you get around 4-5 months. Either way, rushing into a relationship.

Then, over six months later, he leaves her with words that break her heart. She goes into a full blown depression, just because her first boyfriend left her. I'm sure it hurts when your first 'love' breaks up with you, but you get over it in about 3 weeks. Does Bella? Nope, she takes 4 full months of depression before she finally sees the light of day again.

Then, along comes sweet Jacob. He's there for her, a shoulder to cry on. She refuses to let Edward go, and USES Jacob as a way to get a high to see Edward. When Jacob tries to protect Bella by keeping her away, she throws a hissy fit! Then she goes along, thinking Jacob killed people.

As if to rub salt in the wound, she jumps off a cliff, and Jacob saves her! Then she jumps ship by legging it to Italy ASAP when she realizes that the jerk that dumped her is going to kill himself. With Jacob begging, she goes off to her never-gonna-happen death.

So, then she comes back, and is playing happy family because she saved her true love (Dun dun DUUUUNNNNN!) Jacob's visibly upset and pissed because of it, and the fact that Edward is being an overprotective prick!

Yeah...I'm tired now, and the taste is still in my damn mouth (Yick!) SO I'll continue this some other time. And the main idea of THIS rant is that Bella is a dumb brunette, with no brainwaves, who's attempt at stalking worked out grand! Well done YOU, Bella! You caught a 100 year old virgin who wants to kill you! Bravo!