The Mystery Of Spiderus [ON HOLD]

Chapter 1: Introduction

My name is Spiderus. I live in the town of OptiFresh with my boyfriend Marshall and adopted daughter Melanie. Marshall is an asexual rapper, with hit albums under his name such as "No Sex" and "Life". You may think that because he is asexual and doesn't enjoy sex, neither can I, but he hot af so what I do is I MAKE HIM fuck me so yeah. Melanie is one crazy bitch who eat too much and somehow she still have heaps of friends and relations. She is obsessed with this game she made up at the moment called "Uno Suicide" which is basically kids games mixed with pre-executional torture. You'll get to know her more later on. Oh, and did we mention, we are all a huge batch of spiders, and we live with other insect bitches. But who's am I? Well I'm Spiderus! I love to live and I work two jobs. People complain about how hard it is, but it easy af. All it is either making web pads, which are so well made and comfy and cheap, or making out and banging beetles till they literally bleed. Hey it even gives the fam dinner. I hope you enjoy our tales in OptiFresh.