The Mystery Of Spiderus [ON HOLD]

Chapter 7: Spider Heartbreak Cannot be Healed

I felt my soul crush as Jesseney clawed his hacking ingredients, about to eject himself from my household.
"SPIDER HEARTBREAK CANNOT BE HEALED!!!!!" I screeched at him using my throat and vocal chords. His legs waddled like a Penguin, I knew that human legs made no scientific sense. My tears flooded down from my checks, and I let out loud, aggressive moans of sadness. Then, my brain thought of something. I could say something that will make him return to my Wii-Modding position.
"Sonic Forces you to come back to me!" I excitedly yelled to mis ear drums. I wiped my tears, and began to loudly giggle. Even though Jesseney ignored me, I was in such hysterics that I no longer cared. My humorous statement was so humorous that I no longer gave two fucks about the distinctly fugly homosaipan. I was honestly in hysterics with my musical laughter. And besides, I see no point in altering the code of this Nintendo Wii and to be myself in Super Smash Brothers, when I can easily smash people in reality. Being the intellectual Spiderus, I had intellectually figured out that everyone had suddenly disappeared; Marshall had gone to to that Asexual Catteripllar Strip Club, the fat-assed fucking n***a ho c*** asshole dickhead had probably gone to die hopefully, Jesauce had magically disappeared and Jesseney had rejected me after he threw a goddamnit temper tantrum. My soul decided that it shall be wise to hold a special event, such as Saint Patricks Date. YASSS my intellectual self decided that I shall invite every bone structure that I associate with, as well as some new bodies. This Saint Patricks Day event, I decided, shall be held on the 18th of October. I noted it onto my desk and walked outside. In all of the commotion of my stories, you still haven't gotten to know where I live and what I do for that American currency. As you may have noted on a previous occasion, I live in Optifresh, yes that is my current location. For the three specific brains that don't know what Optifresh is, it is currently a village where me, Marshall, Melanie and multiple other insects of multiple species call residence. The reason that I bring this up is that there aren't many living corpses in this village, so I plan to invite the entire village to this assembly. Anyways.
[THE EVENT]
Surprisingly, the first ring of the mechanical door was every corpse, in a single file apparently, I discovered when I opened the door. "Good eeveening, Spiderus!" Every single one of my prized guests blankly said, as they stayed in flawless single file. I lead them into the dining room, where I had placed a giant dining table with my claws. Thankfully, they all loosened up their neck muscles once their bosoms had placed themselves onto their seats. I had a whiteboard nearby, so I drew up the schedule for the evening.
"Hello, fine fellow residents of OptiFresh. Please pay attention to this chart, which displays what actions you MUST take throughout the evening" I officially announced to the bugs. "The main goal for the night is to consume so much alcohol that 25% of our blood cells to be alcoholic. We may become a small amount ill, but fuck that!"
"Firstly, I have something to say. First of all, hey y'all! Happy St. Patrick's Day. Spiderus, you're such an amazing, good spider girl that my asexual heart just wants to sex you after this night" Marshall began to vocally announce. High volumes of blood vigorously rushed to fill my head.
"But that is not all I want to say" he declared, "As you may know, I'm a Spider gangsta, in the hood, wiki wiki, and I got two albums. I had recently been told that My two albums weren't released at all. Because the dumb bumblebee that said that the albums were released, he lied! In fact, I only just realised that I hadn't written or recorded anything at all! But now, I have just released my first hit single, under the name 'Marshall the Asexual'. The song is called "Lil M Life Wiki"
We all cheered! Woo!

Tune in next time!