The Mystery Of Spiderus [ON HOLD]

Chapter 4: Uh, Doctor!

"Bitch, WHYY are you still here?!" I, the glamorous Spiderus asked the dumb ho as she FINALLY woke her lazy ass up. "Oy, what you even eating for breakfast? I ain't making you none of my gourmet special creations"
"Eremememe..... Fack off my FACKING bacc bitch, why do you care?" Lil bitch replied.
"Well I mean honey, her eyeball is hanging out of he socket, we can't contain all this blood in the bathtub for much longer!" Marshall spat out, his face looking surprisingly worried.
"Hmmm, I suppose I DO have a few cents left in the bank. Maybe I can spare a couple pennies for the doctor. He probably needs it" My shiny, pink lips replied. Our minds decided to take the lazy one to the "Doctor" tomorrow.
The next day, we casually "went" into the car, Marshall was wearing his gangster hoodie. He made it from nothing but fake grass and Velcro. Since he didn't get his face slightly altered with Botox, he still didn't look like a swagger rapper that I knew him as. Oh well. I glanced at Melanie the bigot in back seat. This time, she was wearing MY 2012 vintage skirt, that was coloured deep Roy. I couldn't FATHOM the fact that the ugly one had the AUDACITY to tear MY vintage skirt with her fat buttocks. Anyways, as we drove to the hospital, I surveyed the different buildings, as I still wasn't completely certain what the codename for "Hospital" was these days. I eventually decided on the 'Hairdresser' , because my eyes fell upon a stack of CDs inside the establishment. A key part of my everyday. However, then I realised: how were my legs going to transport her body into this "Hairdresser" that Marshall, Melanie and I were about to enter. Please remember that I am nothing but a beautiful, humble spider, so my legs and feet consist of nothing but spider shit.  Therefore, I was unsure as to how to get the spasimistic one into the building. However, I eventually managed to do it using threats. A girl that went by the name of "Jamesette" sat the broken-hearted one onto the seat. You may be curious as to why she has not let a single ugly word slip out of her mouth. Well the answer is that the weeds I think got to her throat a little more than expected. Anyways, Jamesette strapped lil shit down into the cushioned, orange chair.
"So, do you know what ur bootiful daughter wants to be done to her hair?" Jamesette asked. I couldn't help that her vocal chords sounded like an lizard eating a car. Oh well.
"Uhm, I don't know. As a humble spider, I have no idea about hairs, other than Marshall's, in the lower region" I replied sensually. Marshall gave me a look as I said that. As spiders don't have hair [Other than in certain 'Special' areas, spiders are so good at innuendo], I was unsure as to what to say, because my mind didn't process at first that the word 'Hairdressers' related to human hairs, but I thought I had the perfect thing or say to get the job done. " Have you ever seen mashed potato mixed with red food dye?"
"Say no more".

Tune in next time!
A/N: So guys, what should happen in the mystery next? Please leave your ideas in the comments, and I may use them, after crediting you, of course. Also, sorry for the lack of updates over the past week, I am working on more for the book!