Dork Diaries: Next Generation

Apology Road Trip

I don't plan on apologizing to Brandon, but my mother... She didn't deserve the toxic relationship. It terrifies me thinking of whether she'll lash out at me and tell me to play in traffic.

Or if she'll speak to me at all.

I'm not really sure; I just knew I had to apologize. 

We meet in a public place just in case she eats me alive, at a restaurant. One with lots of people who she wouldn't want to recognize us. I came early as not to piss her off anymore than she probably already is with me egging her house and all.

Sure enough, she walks into the restaurant with an angry frown on her face. And although she wears a disguise, I can tell that her eyes are blazing with annoyance. Mom fiercely sashays towards the table, slides out her chair, and drops into it, yanking off her Ray Bans. 

"Egging and tee-peeing my house? What are you, twelve? Are you aware of how hard it is to take that shit down? Bob almost killed himself trying to get it off the roof," she whisper-screams. "I'm not even sure how you can even throw that high. Screw modelling and acting; we should have put you in football."

I stare open-mouthed, not sure I should laugh or say I'm sorry. Just as I decide to say an apology, she beats me to it with an exhausted sigh.

"Why did you call me, Brandy?"

"To apologize. Brandon and I put you completely in the middle. At least I think we did; I'm not really sure how it's going between the two of you—"

"We're separated."

A pregnant silence expands between us. Brandon is— was— the love of my mom's life. They were inseparable, or so I thought. I have never seen one of them without the other. Wherever Mom was, he followed. It was always Brandon and Nikki. I may despise that man for more than what he's worth, but he completes my mother. As much as I hate to admit it, they were perfect for each other.

"It's not your fault, Hon. The both of you said some things in the heat of the moment. It's just when you left that day, I tried to talk with him about it so we could comfort each other. But it turned into such a terrible argument, and he was more bitter than I've ever seen him, as if he meant everything he said to you. And with all of the interviews for Curious Georgia and worrying the baby, I was just too exhausted. I still am." She takes a deep breath and continues. "And it's so hard trying to keep the media out of all this, to pretend we're okay when we go on T.V. together."

I reach out across the table to take her hand. "Oh, Mom. I'm so sorry." 

"Don't be. It's a 'him' problem that only he can fix. And until he figures that out, more people are going to push him away." 

My grip tightens on her hand. "Mom, I still want to apologize for what I said, what I did. I didn't mean to tear us apart."

Mom's hand squeezes mine back. I raise an eyebrow, confused. How has she not eaten me alive yet? "I'm glad you did. I think there were some issues that really needed to come to light, and if they hadn't come now, then they were bound to come up later." A tear betrays me and slides down my face. Mom lifts her other hand and wipes it from my cheek. "I'm sorry it had to be this way, Brandy, and even if your father is having some issues, please know that you will always be loved."

*~*~*~*

Rick is hard to find. I debate even trying to find him at all.  But I do, and he's not happy about it. I corner him in the library during study hall.

"Just say it and go," he demands.

My eyes are frantic. I'm never this self conscious about myself, but I guess it's just one of those weeks. Maybe I need to be vulnerable.

"I'm sorry," I peep.

"Yes, I know. Your point?" he retorts.

"I didn't want it to end this way. And it's my fault. And you may not ever want to see me again, but I want you to know that it eats me away inside. There hasn't been a moment I haven't regretted what I did. I regret meeting you. I  regret loving you.Because loving someone shouldn't hurt this bad... but it does. And I'll never be this way again with anyone else.I won't mess up this bad, and you deserved to know."

I don't give him the chance to respond. I give him a curt nod, and I book it out of the room with tears in my eyes. Fortunately, it's getting easier and easier to hold them in.