The Soldier Of Sins | ✓

[21] Conflicts In Mind

The cold air slapped her skin as she stood stunned under the full moon light. Her eyes were holding the confidence born from the ignorance he had thrown at her this night.

Her heart squeezed at remembering the moments they had made together. But she couldn't put herself in false faith anymore. Staring at him, she cleared it all, "You do not love me. You have been making a fool of me. But I don't want to be this fool anymore, Nathaniel." She shook her head with stern gaze holding him in place. "I do not love you anymore."

His dried lips parted while grief settled in his eyes. Something twisted in Samara's heart at seeing sadness lingering on his face. He stared at her in extreme shock.

"You didn't even give me the chance to explain you, Samara." His voice had never sounded that low.

She thought about stepping back and hugging herself as harsh wind blew her long hair, shuddering her. His words were no less to chill her spine. But the love that Rodwin had made her feel, kept her stable and warm.

"I did not receive the position that I wanted. I did not receive the consent from my father for our betrothal. What would I have done if not getting angry?" He bit his trembling lip while his nostrils flared. "But you didn't understand me, Samara."

"You didn't care of how different I was behaving. I had a bad mood. I had a bad day. I wanted to feel peace but you were looking worried because of the other ladies approaching me. That was the only way to be normal. My father would have only been more angry if I had paid you any attention."

Guilt surfaced Samara's chest as a tear slipped from Nathaniel's eye. She gulped when he stepped ahead. "But you didn't wait for me. You just believed that it was me. How can I hurt my Samara? How can I be angry at her? You weren't suspicious because you never really loved me." He concluded.

"I loved you," she told him, more to herself and to the universe. "But not anymore. I have always been trusting you blindly. But Rodwin has opened my eyes and he is the best man I can ever get-"

"Rodwin?" Another tear slipped from his eyes while Samara frowned. He held her hand lovingly and continued, "The one who has always been harassing you. The one who has always made fun of you."

He looked up at her. "But I am the one who made you feel beautiful. I am the one who made you feel loved. But you never really cared for those moments. You don't remember them because Rodwin has become the praised soldier, now."

Samara swallowed and felt confused. Her mind was conflicted but the loneliness she had felt at the balcony of the castle reminded her that Rodwin deserved what he had achieved this night.

"I love him," she told her old lover, making his eyes widen.

Nathaniel seemed shocked, broken by the disgust that glinted in her eyes. He was speechless and couldn't really feel his heart. It was all numb. Tears filled in his eyes while he opened his mouth to ask why she lost her faith in him in such a short time.

"My mind was full of failures, Samara. Father wasn't accepting my love for you. I didn't get the post that I wanted. My three friends who had been killed during the war, deserved any of the posts. But they weren't there anymore. I was feeling low." His voice shook in sadness. "But I. . . I really love you."

Samara shook her head in distaste and stepped back while pushing him away. "Don't you dare try to break us apart. Rodwin truly deserves everything. He is my childhood friend. He is not arrogant like you. He understands me and I truly love him."

Nathaniel halted in his steps, and stared at her blankly. Tears kept flowing but his gaze never wavered. Samara shuddered and was about to turn around when she heard him weeping softly. Her heart shrank in guilt as she stopped herself from leaving him there alone.