I Understand

My last convo with my dad

R u gonna stick around this time?..

Yes I am baby

Don't make a promise you can't keep. I don't feel like getting hurt again..

I am so sorry

You don't act like it. I'm not going to say it's okay like usual and have you cry to me sayin g that it's really not. You always do the same thing. Every time. When are you actually going to mean it?

Baby i do mean it. I know I keep screwing up and i don't know why. I am so depressed and unhappy and I keep trying to hide from it

Dad listen. We are all going through our own stuff. And for you to think that I'm going to pity you because you are too, is wrong. You come in our lives and just as soon as I think you'll actually stay, I don't hear from you. You're in and out of jail. You keep your job for a while and then lose it. You take advantage of all the good in your life. And not in a good way. You can't keep hiding from everything. You have to push through. Or you'll be stuck where you are for the rest of your life. I worry about you and I always think the worst when I don't hear from you. I think you're hurt or in jail. Do you realize that every time you go missing I have mom check all the jails in Florida to see if you're in any of them? That's not OK. I'm tired of being hurt by you. I'm tired of crying myself to sleep some nights because I don't know if you're okay or if I did something to make you leave again. You complain about your life being so bad but you don't do anything to change it. I never gave up on you even when everybody else did and I stuck around when nobody else did and you didn't even know it because you never answered your phone you would never answer texts or calls you wouldn't come see us but I still supported you. what am I supposed to do now and how am I supposed to support you when you keep doing the same stuff over and over again? How do I Prove someone wrong about you when they're right? I've always tried my best to be there for you but you were never there for me. How is that fair? You say you're sorry but you don't stop doing the same things you claim you're sorry for doing. I don't know what to do anymore. If you want to talk how about come see me? I'm done for now. Don't try to call me don't try to text me because I won't answer. I'm done with this bull crap. I'm not letting you break my heart anymore.

*tries to call*

*Misses call on purpose*

Hi baby, i am so sorry for making you cry and worry about me. I don't want you to ever cry or worry. I know I haven't been a good daddy to you and rian and I'm sorry. I want to change that and i want to be there for you both whenever you want or need me to. I love you two with all my heart. You and rian are, and always will be the best thing that I have and has ever happened to me

*one month later*
You know, after not talking to u and what I said, I sorta hoped you would step up and do your part, but I guess not.

This is how my last convo with my dad went..