I Understand

Overbearing

I feel so alone lately.

None of my friends act like my friends.

Their all distant and seem like they hate me and like I annoy them.

I don't feel as secure as I used to with the people I surround myself with.

I'm trying but I feel like the harder I try, the more I push them away.

All I want is to make everyone happy and to feel secure with myself and others.

But I don't feel like any of that is happening.

I've been going through a rough week and I don't know how to make it better.

Maybe a day with Ryan where we just spend the entire day together?

But I don't know if I have time or if my parents will even let me.

I just want one good day.

That's all I ask for.

But I don't feel like I even deserve one anymore.

All I do is upset people now and that's the complete opposite of what I'm trying to do.

I don't know how to pull myself out of this one.

It's on and off depression mixed with anxiety, low self esteem, little to no confidence, and worrying about what others think and overthinking everything.

I can't talk to my doctor because all she does is prescribe meds that my mom doesn't want me taking.

So it's a useless attempt.

I end up crying my self to sleep almost every night.

And then I have nightmares.

There's no escape for me.

Nowhere for me to go.

I wish the pain would end but it just comes back and hits me harder each time.

I can't do therapy because I don't know the original source of my depression.

It just kinda happened.

It just popped up out of nowhere.

And it hasn't gone away since.

I'm drowning in my inner demons and I barely have the strength to resurface.

I don't know how to get help.

I depend on Ryan more than I should to make me happy.

And I feel as if I'm pushing him away along with everyone else.

I'm scared to show my true feelings because then there will be no one left.

And I depend on everyone to make me happy.

I can't rely on myself anymore.

I'm too much to handle.

And if they aren't already gone, I don't understand how everyone is still here.

I've become way too overbearing.

Often I try to remind myself of all the good, but all the good is slowly starting to fade away and the bad is starting to surface, covering or just completely demolishing all of the good that was there.