•Pluviophile•

one~

It's so strange that nobody that I know feels this way.(at least as I know) My body and mind don't want to work together. Never had. Please help. People are making small jokes that really mean nothing but for me they crushed me down. More down then if you're standing on the largest, tallest mountain and to the earths core.

Nothing like having some normal thoughts about my little gender identity. Yeah... Hi there I'm... well... genderqueer, she/her.. HI again.

My name is Travis or my little nickname to myself, Trav. It's not like anybody use it. Nothing to special. But found it out all on my own. I am going to be 18 in august so I'm excited about that. Dreamed about the day I can say I'm an adult or some kind of adult. Still act like a child but so do all my friends. Or I feel we act 'normal' but people just look at us weird, not like I care is just I don't like those kinds of looks.

Anyway this was my way home or what I remember, thought on my way home.

My house or apartment isn't that big but it's mine so I love it. I live right above this store, I come there almost everyday it's kind of lovely.

There's this cute girl that works there, that have short hair that reminds me of Miles McKenna's hair in the beginning of 2018. She knows I'm genderqueer which I think is weird since it's only her and two other people who know. But those two are like people I have known for years. I have known her for like a year.

She even gave me her number so we can talk more. We talk so much.

She is going to be 23 in April. So three months till.

We both have this big love, crush and fascination upon Dodie. See seam to have the same adorable hair styles of hers. Her hair color is even the same as her and she even as wavy hair, it's so fluffy. And one time she sent me a full cover of 6/10. She was so good. We dream about going to one of her concerts together.

Anyway when I come in my house it's all ready open and welcoming. You get right into the living area. I have this TV that I only have for chrome cast and games. I have a Wii U, so I can crush people at Mario Cart all day long. I have this couch which sometimes is my bed since I always fall asleep there. Even tho I used so much time decorating my bedroom.

It has some of my art which I'm proud of. This big closet, which I get in when I'm scared, I'm scared of the lightning and fireworks. And the most comfterble carpet I could find. Just throw your socks off and let your toes feel the carpet. It's quite some night I have had just moonwalked for some hours. What a fun life I have.

I have some instruments too. A bass, ukulele, piano and I recently got a drum kit. I honestly got it so I could make a lot of noise for my neighbours to hear. They haven't been the best to me the year I've been living here. So I am pretty sure have driven one person out, even though I think it was because it was mice there, but the second reason was totally me.

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Everything can chance in just some minutes if you don't do any thing about it

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Been sitting on the floor for some time now enjoying the rain that hits the window and the sound of footsteps outside my door. While my mind does it's corse.

"Who would want to even befriend you"
"What kind of person do others think you are"
"Why are you not out doing fun stuff"
"They will all leave you in the end"

And many more thought which really are just conversations with myself that I know I really shouldn't have. Those conversations just make it all worse. After a while of just sitting on the floor I speed walk to my cough in perfect harmony with the rain. I do that unconsciously. When I stand right in front of the couch I just stare at the pillows for a while, before I just throw them all over the room. These is no stopping my movements but I still hear the footsteps. They stop outside the door stand there a few seconds then speed walk away.

In a strange way that's what makes me calm down, even though it still made my irritated.

Calming down is mostly just me crying into the many pillows I threw all over the floor.

30 minutes and the pillows are covering me like a fort. Still listening to the rain but now I put on twenty one pilots so that also calm me down.

In the middle of 'The Judge' a ring goes through the intire apartment. I open my eyes to see the pillow in face, and cuddle with it. My arms really don't have the strength to get rid of the pillow in my face so I simply just stand up like I'm about to fall apart.

My legs don't really work that much but I take slow steps to the door. The door handle is cold and it feels like all my body goes into shock for some reason.

I open the door much faster than I thought I could. There I see one of the two other friends who knows I'm genderqueer. It's Criss.

"Hi, Thea"

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Okey
This is the first chapter I guess

Hope you like itxx