Off Camera

coffee talk

Sam slammed the front door shut behind us as we entered our apartment that we had just rented together. the whole way home from the thanksgiving party was silent which meant that Sam had suspicions as to why we eft in such a hurry and why we left so early. 

"so are you going to explain as to why we had to leave in such a rush and why you and David were arguing?" i threw my bag onto our couch and went to the fridge to grab a water, slamming that door behind me. damn we were doing a lot of door slamming tonight!

"i already told you, i wasn't feeling well and we still have a lot of boxes to unpack here." i knew that he didn't believe me for a second. 

"don't lie to me Liza, whats the real reason?" 

"IT WAS TO MUCH FOR ME OK! THERE WAS TO MANY MEMORIES THERE, CAN WE DROP IT NOW" i replied yelling at him with every word i said. Sam edged closer to me, his facing changing from angry to devastated. although we had only been dating for a year, he could read me like a book and i knew that he already could tell the real reason for my outburst tonight.

"you still love him don't you?" he looked into my eyes, hurt evident in his but his voice was still so soft and soothing as if he wasn't mad but like he knew what was coming. tears had started forming in mine as i began to try and justify myself. 

"sam..." was all i could get out before he interrupted me

"no Liza, no more lies, i've known from the beginning that you were never able to forget him and tonight proved it to me, the minute you saw David i saw a smile appear on your face that i have never seen from you with me before and then when he proposed to Spencer you just shut down and walked off. so Liza, you at least owe me an answer, do you still love him?" 

"im so sorry Sam, i really am, i mean i tried so hard to try and forget about David i did but everyday i would see something or see something that would remind me of him and tonight it finally hit me that as much as i convinced myself that i was over him, my heart still belongs to him. im so sorry" tears were streaming down my tanned skin at this point and what sam did next was shocking to me. instead of slamming a door or walking away or even yelling, he wrapped his arms around me, kissed me on my forehead and just held me while i cried. why did he have to be such a nice guy? 

*the next morning* 

my phone alarm woke me up the next day and as i reached over to the other side of the bed still expecting Sam to be laying there, i was surprised when i felt his side made up. Sam must have slipped out last night as i had fallen asleep. i got up and searched the room to only find that all of his belongings had gone. he was gone. 

as i sat and ate breakfast at the kitchen bench i looked at smaller and cheaper apartments to rent around LA because this was way to big for me now that i was alone. finally after what felt like hours of looking i had finally found not an apartment, but a home, newly built. instead of renting it i decided i was going to buy it, my very first home.  

i got off the phone from the estate agent and it was just confirmed that i am now the owner that home! i was so excited so i decided to text Gabbie and invited her out for lunch. we met at the local Starbucks and sat down with each other and caught up. 

"so i wanna hear everything from the time you got to houston to the time you arrived here and why you didn't tell me you were back!" i laughed as i started to fill her in on how my life had changed since being back in LA and how so many new things had happened to me. 

"im so so proud of you little brown girl, do you think that you'll ever get back into youtube?" i never really thought of that as adoption since graduating from college but now that i think about it, maybe i missed it. maybe i shouldn't have disregarded it as a career option for myself after all.  

"i don't know Gabbie, i mean will my fans and subscribers still want to watch me and what if im not funny like i used to be? right now i think im going to just let things ride out on their own. anyway enough about me, how are you?" she scooted closer to me and showed me a necklace around her neck. i looked in closer to find the words Zabbie engraved into it. my eyes went wide and my mouth dropped open.

"OH MY GOD!! you and Zayn! finally." i may have said that a bit too loud as other patrons turned and gave both of us strange looks. i blushed as Gabbie and i continue to catch up on things. 

"hows life with Sam?" shoot, i had completely forgotten to tell her about my break up. 

"Sam and i actually broke up last night." Gabbies smile vanished

"oh Liza im so sorry, what happened! i swear to god if he hurt you..." i chuckled and interrupted her mid sentence

"Gabbie he didn't do anything, it was me and its fine really." i said reassuringly 

"what happened, i mean you guys seemed happy last night, well that is until you both upped and left early."

"well, last night made me realise that im not that over David as i convinced myself that i was and Sam and i weren't going to work." 

"your still in love with David? but liza his moved on with Spencer and they are happy. and Spence is actually really nice, were kinda friends now." i looked down at my coffee feeling hurt spreading through my body. 

"i know, thats what makes this whole situation so awful. she seems so nice and they look so great together but i never really was able to move on from and him. i still kept one of his jumpers and i hid it from Sam but when i was upset i would sometimes put it on. Gabbie i don't know what to do. thats why i left early last night, David confronted me about it and i told him that i was disappointed to see him with someone else and we argued and then he stormed off and i left." 

i could feel the tears sweeping over me again. why do i always manage to get myself into these situations? gabbie pulled me into a hug and reassured me that everything would be ok. 

"look, its going to be hard but Liza over time you will move on and maybe seeing David happy with Spencer will help you. Liza things happen for a reason and maybe this is a sign that you and David just weren't meant to be." 

"yeah maybe, but i mean things could change right?" Gabbie saw my desperation and knew that i was in deep trouble with my emotions. 

"i don't think so this time sweetie. its time to move on" 

maybe Gabbie was right, i need to focus on positive things in my life to move on from David and i knew exactly where to start. 

"Mummas home" i said aloud as i stood in my newly built but empty house. maybe this was the new start that i needed all along.