I wake up in another random bed of a girl who I don't remember. I look over and she's still sleeping so I get my clothes on and sneak out of the house without waking the random girl up. I walk to my car which was parked in her driveway. I start making my way home, racking my brain trying to figure out what her name was. I was so drunk last night I don't even remember meeting her. I don't remember anything from last night. I didn't even notice the pounding headache I had until I turned on my music in the car. I immediately turn it off and sigh.
I was sitting at a red light when I glance over to see Abby. I keep staring, hoping she'll notice me but she doesn't even glance over at me. She just kisses the boy that is in her passenger seat and smiles. I look ahead and start driving as soon as the light turns green. I turn into the neighborhood and park in our driveway, making my way inside, hoping my mom won't hear me enter. I had left without telling her last night and if she found out where I had been she would kill me. I make my way up the stairs and into my bedroom without anyone waking. It was only eight in the morning and my family liked to sleep in on the weekends.
I go into the bathroom and tried to tame my hair even though nothing would work. My hair did whatever it wanted. I will just shower later. I climb into my bed and close my eyes, trying to sleep but I couldn't quite drift off. I take off my jeans and sweaty t-shirt and get back into bed. I kept turning but my headache was keeping me awake. I walk downstairs in just my boxers and grab the pill bottle from the cabinet. I pour three into my hand and grab the bottle of orange juice from the fridge and drink from the bottle instead of getting a cup.
I breathe into my hand and smell it and it reaked of alcohol and weed. I grimace and go upstairs to brush my teeth. Once I finish I smell my breath again and it was faded a bit but not completely. I decided to leave it alone for now, nobody would notice anyway. I walk back to my bed and pull out my phone looking through texts and calls to make sure I didn't make a complete ass out of myself last night. I see a recent call from two in the morning, it was to Abby. She didn't answer but I probably left a message...shit.
I open a new message and type her name in and begin writing an apology for the calls last night but delete it shortly after. I didn't want to talk to her again. It'd been a few weeks and I was doing fine. Girls were all over me and I felt great. I was getting more girl attention than ever, when I was with Abby, girls stayed away for the most part because they were threatened by Abby, but now I can do whatever I want. I've gotten laid almost every weekend, been to plenty of parties, gotten piss drunk a few times, and I was enjoying myself.
Who needs a commitment anyway? You just feel tied down and pathetic. I feel free and great, I don't have to worry about just one girl anymore. I can fuck a girl and never even see her again. No commitments, nothing. I've made a promise to myself that I will never give a girl that I sleep with my number because I don't want to get a call saying that she "loves me" or some bullshit like that. Girls don't love me, they love my body, and apparently, my hair.
Although, in my band, I'm apparently now known as the "manwhore" of the band. The fans are always getting pictures of me making out with girls or sneaking out with girls from clubs. They could believe what they wanted, I was enjoying myself and I don't want anyone to ruin it for me. I love the fans, but they shouldn't be so into my personal life because honestly, it's none of their business if I'm sleeping with girls or if I'm dating someone.
Luckily, none of the girls have spread about fucking the Ashton Irwin yet, which is nice. Nobody's spreading rumours except the fans themselves. I didn't really pay attention to them though, it wasn't worth getting worked up over. We would be touring over Australia pretty soon to promote our original song. We were all pretty hyped, I was mainly excited to go to new clubs, new girls, and a lot of partying. The boys get on me about everything I do all of the time and does get quite irritating. I wasn't listening to them of course because all they had to say, especially Luke, was how I needed to get back with Abby.
It bothered me that Luke still spent time with Abby after all that went down between Abby and I but I wasn't going to worry about it. I hate worrying about pointless things. I don't love Abby anymore, Luke and her could date and it wouldn't hurt me because she's nothing to me anymore. She doesn't matter to me anymore. I can't believe how obsessed I was with her at one point. I was such a little girl, getting so attached to someone like that.
I decide to give up on falling asleep again so I go to the shower and turn on the steaming water. I get in as soon as it's hot enough and wash my hair and body before getting out. I dry myself off, pull on a pair of baggy sweatpants, put on a band t-shirt that I had cut into a muscle tee and dry my hair a little bit but then leave it alone. I hang up the towels and walk downstairs to fix myself some food. I turn on the TV and it is already at a news channel. I leave it and begin making myself breakfast when I hear my name and instantly turn around.
"Ashton Irwin, from the band, 5 Seconds of Summer, was seen last night leaving a party with a mysterious girl. Yet another hookup for Mr. Irwin? The fans are furious, and rumour has it that even the band members are fed up with Ashton's behaviour recently, considering his recent car accident."
I turn off the TV and throw the remote, running my fingers through my hair and tugging. Why couldn't they leave me alone? They were always so focused on me, the other boys weren't picked on as much as I am and it drives me insane to always be seeing articles about me. Always hearing my name on the news and seeing my face on magazine covers. Wasn't it normal for a teenage boy to get around a bit and go to parties? It wasn't just me doing this but because I am apparently famous, they like the follow my every move.
Yes, I had changed a lot over the past month or so, but everybody changes. I used to be the innocent Ashton but nobody was interested in the innocent Ashton. This Ashton was exciting and interesting, but sometimes being this Ashton was exhausting. I just want to stay home all of the time. I'm always so tired and I'm not sure if I'm ready to tour all over Australia. I'll miss my family and house. I would be graduating soon, though. So once I graduate we'll be leaving. The rest of the boys will graduate too but Luke is going to continue being schooled while we travel.
After I eat I decide to go up to the mountain today, it was where I always went to think. I go upstairs, put on some shoes and when I come down my mom is standing in the kitchen, fixing Harry something.
"I'm going up to the mountain," I say, grabbing my keys but my mom stops me.
"You're not going anywhere, if that's what I think it is on your breath," She says sternly. My eyes widen and I put my keys back on the table. "Have you been drinking? And smoking? Really, Ashton?"
"Mom, it's nothing. It was just a party," I protest but she pulls out her phone and shows me the picture of the girl I had been with last night, it was of us kissing I guess.
"Really? You went home with a girl last night at three in the fucking morning! Ashton, have you completely lost it?" She yells and I take a step back, my mom doesn't yell.
"Really, it was nothing," I say, not looking into her eyes.
"This is getting out of hand. I keep seeing these news articles and things on TV about you, do you not understand that you are supposed to be a role model for your brother? I don't give a shit about your fans and what they think. When your little brother is seeing photos of you doing all of this stuff everyday, he's going to start believing it's okay. Do you really want Harry growing up into what you've become? What happened to Abby? She kept you grounded. Why don't you go back to her, since you remember now. Also, since you had a fucking accident while you were drunk, haven't you learned your lesson of getting drunk?" My mom rants and I just look down.
"She doesn't want me back mom," I mutter and she crosses her arms.
"Just straighten yourself out, Ashton, until you do, you're not going anywhere," she takes my keys and I go upstairs to my room.
I climb out onto the roof and pull out a cigarette from the pack and light it. I smoke it slowly. My mom was right but I didn't want to admit it. I was being a terrible example for Harry and I would never want him to become what I am. I don't even know what or who I am anymore and it sucks. I hope he never becomes who I am because I am ashamed of myself. Until my mom said all of that to me I was proud of what I was doing...I now realise that I am just being an idiot.
