S O U L P O E T

Mundane wish

Its quite a lethargic day today, so reminiscent of better times and better people, people better than us.
I can imagine having a home one day,
Filling it with books and art and 3am scribbles,
Wouldn't that be wonderful.

I dream of better days,
Days of hope and love and hazy midsummer mornings,
Just cool enough to hold my lover under covers in the morning light.
I dream of cold nights and hot tea and my cat Salem sitting on the couch with me, not minding my uneven voice as I read my book aloud.

I dream of late nights with friends and early Sunday mornings with my partner,
Drinking tea as I try to forget my teenage days full of energy drinks and coffee at 4am,
I dream of a time that I'll forget how toxic I was to myself,
Latent with anxiety and depression naps which lasted for days,
The high of my haze crashing after filling myself with lies and toxins, promising to stay awake,
I dream of forgetting that I ever had dysphoria or my eating disorder and believing that energy drinks could sustain my broken body,
And that developing insomnia was just a side affect of being young,

I dream of touching the faint scars on my chest years after I've had surgery, and smiling.
I dream of being in love and loving myself after many years of self hate and uncertainty.

I believe I will grow out of what I was and into something better.
I believe I will grow into something I can love and be proud of,
And I know what I wish for and dream of is simple,
Although I've had enough complications to last me a lifetime I welcome future conflict because I know after,
I will be better because of it.

I will fill my home with drawings and books and love and toys for my cat,
I will do that because I deserve it.
I will find a love and full it with trust and independence and my world because I will be enough.
I hope my teenage pain leaves me,
It's scarred me plenty.